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Raccoons are the scourge of the suburbs. They menace pets and humans alike. They are nasty, disease-infested varmints. They get into trash cans, rip apart trash bags and gorge themselves on our leftovers. Some would say that what happened to a raccoon in Zion, Illinois, outside Chicago, is justice. The little scuzzball got what was coming to him after he probably tore up someone's garbage and spread it across a driveway, eating all that he could and leaving the rest for some helpless person to clean up.

Source: Zion Police Department

You see, this furry little bandit ate so much trash (probably) that he got himself stuck in a storm drain like Augustus Gloop got himself stuck in the exhaust of Willy Wonka's chocolate lake.

No matter how he struggled, the chubby beast was stuck.

Note: It appears they gave the gluttonous monster MORE food in the form of bread

Warning: What happened next might upset some people. You see, the masked dirtball was actually rescued.

Rather than let the thing starve to death while he struggled to free himself, the sympathetic officers decided the humane thing to do would be to free this furry pig from his concrete and metal torture rack and so they did. In fact, the Zion Public Works department got involved too, utilizing precious tax dollars on a furry rascal that will probably harass the neighborhood puppies as his next trick. On the Zion Public Works Department, the Zion Police said, "They were able to free him and our friend was no worse for wear."

No worse for wear? Friend? Tell that to the poor schlub that is likely going to have to clean up the remnants of a week's worth of baby diapers that the raccoon is sure to toss around his garage in some sort of frenzied orgy of gluttony now that he's been set free from certain death in the drain. Outrageous!

Next time a butterball trash panda like this is found trapped, leave it! Powerful forces and Darwin's theory are at work, and this is not an example of the fittest among the animal kingdom.

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