Fort Walton Beach, Florida isn't quite the same kind of spring break destination as its nearby cities, like Panama City or Daytona Beach. Those cities are used to an invasion of underage outsiders coming to town, drinking too much and passing out in weird places. But for one liquor store in Fort Walton Beach, they did experience their own kind of spring break - sort of. The employees walked in one morning to find a drunk, juvenile opossum passed out on the floor, an empty bottle of bourbon by her side, just like a sorority girl from Florida State University might have been found in a similar situation during spring break.
If you have ever checked out the hilarious Subreddit called "Florida Man," you know exactly what kind of adventures people get up to down in the Sunshine State. Apparently "Florida Opossums" are the same breed of partiers. Employees at Cash's Liquor Store suspect the opossum climbed into the store through the ceiling and fell, knocking a bottle of bourbon off a shelf, and landed on the floor along with the bottle, which obviously broke. Florida Opossum took to sipping the booze and when she was discovered, the morning after Thanksgiving, she was plastered as the bottle was completely empty. Michelle Pettis, an employee of the Emerald Coast Wildlife Preserve, where the drunk marsupial was taken, said that Florida Opossum "appeared disoriented, was excessively salivating and appeared to be pale."
The staff at Emerald Coast worked quickly to sober her up, much like the nurses in the emergency room in Panama City on a typical March might with a hammered college student. "We loaded her up with fluids to help flush out any alcohol toxins," Pettis said. "She was good a couple of days later and was released Thursday night." Hopefully in time to make it to "All You Can Drink Long Island Iced Teas" night at a local party marsupial hot spot. They did add that when she left, she wasn't hungover. How did they know that?
One thing is for sure, with a lifespan of only a couple years, the opossum was certainly underage. There was no word at press time if Cash Moore, the owner of the store, would face repercussions for providing a minor with alcohol. Moore swears he thought she was 21. How many times has a bartender on the panhandle of Florida sworn the same thing?
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