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Read This One All the Way to the End

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Read This One All the Way to the End

When I was 16 I met this girl who went to high school across town through a buddy who was dating her friend. Our parents were pretty liberal and we spent most of our weekends getting high and drunk in the pool house and swimming when we wanted to cool off. Needless to say, it took about three days before I lost my v card to this girl- and it was awesome. Here's the thing: when you're 16 and you find a girl who is DTF you never let that go. I was immediately her boyfriend. Despite the fact that I didn't know that much about her, I knew everything that I needed to know: she had a vagina and she let me put my dick in it. Week two of this torrid romance and something isn't quite right in the land down under- it was really burning when I pissed. Like every time...I went to Catholic school so I knew all about how Satan invades extra-marital sex and fills your lust pole with STDs. I knew I had one, the only question was which one. A lot of people would ask: "This chick just gave you dick rot, you dumped her right?" Let me just refer you to the previous statement: I was 16 and she was letting me have sex with her. We only got more serious- like getting close to meet the parents serious. But love didn't cure whatever evil was festering in my penis, and I had to schedule a doctor's appointment. In the exam room, I had to fess up to my doctor (who I had always secretly suspected of being gay) my terrible suspicions- that I had third degree dick rot with a chance of AIDS. I had to pee in a cup, and he manually examined my penis. He asked me why I suspected I had caught an STD, and, in the spirit of doctor-patient confidentiality, I told him everything. Which came out to: "I met a random girl from across town and I've been humping her everywhere: pool, bushes, suburbans, rugs, carpets, dirt piles. I don't know much about her, but if she's willing to sex me up, she's probably kind of a slut." It took a week, but the results came back- I had a benign UTI, most likely from bare-back riding in dirt piles. Clean it up was his advice. That was a giant relief, and a f_ck you to Sister Helen who had convinced me that god punishes all fornicators with a life-long curse of dick fire. Everything seemed to be great, the penis problem cleared up and this girl and I kept seeing each other. After a few months she invited me to her family dinner, her mom was nice and pretty hot. Her dad was my doctor. (Source)

This Is a Lot Calmer Than He Could Have Been

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This Is a Lot Calmer Than He Could Have Been

A quote from my dad. "I didn't expect her to be black". Nothing negative both of my parents just didn't see it coming. (Source)

Maybe This Relationship Wasn't Meant to Be

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Maybe This Relationship Wasn't Meant to Be

Ugh, I was the girlfriend in question. I had come over to my long distance relationship boyfriend's apartment on the way out of town. I had dressed in a plaid skirt, fishnets, combat boots, and a low cut black tank because I wanted to leave him with a good memory. So he's got me pinned face first against the wall with my skirt flipped up and he's fingering me when his dad walks in. Apparently he'd come by early to take him to lunch and drop him at his job. I was absolutely mortified during the entire lunch with his dad, dad's girlfriend, and my boyfriend. (Source)

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