18 Parents Reveal The One Secret About Their Child That Could Ruin Their Lives 18 Parents Reveal The One Secret About Their Child That Could Ruin Their Lives 15 People Share The Most Ridiculous Thing They've Done To Avoid Facing Their Fears 15 People Share The Most Ridiculous Thing They've Done To Avoid Facing Their Fears

(Source)

Meeting your significant other's parents is already terrifying enough, but do us all a favor and try not to bomb as bad as these poor saps.

Read This One All the Way to the End

(Source)

1. Read This One All the Way to the End

When I was 16 I met this girl who went to high school across town through a buddy who was dating her friend. Our parents were pretty liberal and we spent most of our weekends getting high and drunk in the pool house and swimming when we wanted to cool off. Needless to say, it took about three days before I lost my v card to this girl- and it was awesome. Here's the thing: when you're 16 and you find a girl who is DTF you never let that go. I was immediately her boyfriend. Despite the fact that I didn't know that much about her, I knew everything that I needed to know: she had a vagina and she let me put my dick in it. Week two of this torrid romance and something isn't quite right in the land down under- it was really burning when I pissed. Like every time...I went to Catholic school so I knew all about how Satan invades extra-marital sex and fills your lust pole with STDs. I knew I had one, the only question was which one. A lot of people would ask: "This chick just gave you dick rot, you dumped her right?" Let me just refer you to the previous statement: I was 16 and she was letting me have sex with her. We only got more serious- like getting close to meet the parents serious. But love didn't cure whatever evil was festering in my penis, and I had to schedule a doctor's appointment. In the exam room, I had to fess up to my doctor (who I had always secretly suspected of being gay) my terrible suspicions- that I had third degree dick rot with a chance of AIDS. I had to pee in a cup, and he manually examined my penis. He asked me why I suspected I had caught an STD, and, in the spirit of doctor-patient confidentiality, I told him everything. Which came out to: "I met a random girl from across town and I've been humping her everywhere: pool, bushes, suburbans, rugs, carpets, dirt piles. I don't know much about her, but if she's willing to sex me up, she's probably kind of a slut." It took a week, but the results came back- I had a benign UTI, most likely from bare-back riding in dirt piles. Clean it up was his advice. That was a giant relief, and a f_ck you to Sister Helen who had convinced me that god punishes all fornicators with a life-long curse of dick fire. Everything seemed to be great, the penis problem cleared up and this girl and I kept seeing each other. After a few months she invited me to her family dinner, her mom was nice and pretty hot. Her dad was my doctor. (Source)

More From BrainJet

20 People Give Shady Explanations Of Their Job — And The Results Are Hilarious! 20 People Give Shady Explanations Of Their Job — And The Results Are Hilarious! 15 People Who Have Been in Natural Disasters Share Their 15 People Who Have Been in Natural Disasters Share Their "Oh Crap, This Is Real" Moment 17 People Share The Most Ridiculous Things 17 People Share The Most Ridiculous Things "The Weird Kid" At School Ever Did 15 Casino Dealers Share The Craziest Stories Of Winnings And A Whole Lot Of Losings 15 Casino Dealers Share The Craziest Stories Of Winnings And A Whole Lot Of Losings What Animals Are The Biggest Jerks? 18 Zookeepers Have Their Opinions! What Animals Are The Biggest Jerks? 18 Zookeepers Have Their Opinions! Awkward! 15 Times First Responders Laughed At Someone When They Shouldn't Have Awkward! 15 Times First Responders Laughed At Someone When They Shouldn't Have 15 Police Officers Share Stories About The Unluckiest Criminals They've Ever Faced 15 Police Officers Share Stories About The Unluckiest Criminals They've Ever Faced When Doctor's Facepalm. 17 Conversations That Left Doctors Speechless When Doctor's Facepalm. 17 Conversations That Left Doctors Speechless 15 Unlucky Teachers Share The Biggest Student Meltdown They've Ever Had To Deal With 15 Unlucky Teachers Share The Biggest Student Meltdown They've Ever Had To Deal With

Comments