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It Could Go Either Way
It Could Go Either Way

"My 8-yr-old son had a folded up note in his drawer that said 'My future' on the outside. On the inside there was a line down the middle. One side: 'CIA' Other side: 'Janitor'. He's still 8. I only found this note a few weeks ago" (Source).

The Only Logical Conclusion
The Only Logical Conclusion

"When I was in college, I got a panicked phone call from my sibling. Apparently my mom was looking for my passport (rifling through my room) and came across a large baggy of white powder she assumed to be cocaine. She continues to search and found a man thong and the empty box to a vibrator. She put all this together in her head and logically concluded I was, in her words, 'selling my sweet a-- for coke'. She proceeded to call my siblings in hysterics. First off, the bag she found was chalk powder left over from a high school art project, so not even remotely similar to coke. Second, the man thong was a gag gift that I hadn't gotten rid of. Third, the vibrator was for my gf and I had no idea then box was still in my room. To this day, 10 years later, my siblings love to ask me how 'selling my sweet a-- for coke' is going. Basically my mom found chalk powder, a gag gift and an empty box for my girlfriends vibrator and assumes that I'm a manwhore for coke" (Source).

Overwhelming Stench
Overwhelming Stench

"I was cleaning my 8 year old step son's bedroom because it was overrun by toys. When I got to the closet where it seemed he liked to toss toys in an attempt to clean his room himself, I was hit with a horrid smell. I grabbed everything out of there, toys, dirty clothes and came across a paper grocery bag crumpled up. I was afraid to open it as that was where the smell was coming from. I opened it to find a wadded up pair of underwear caked in dried sh-t. The smell was so intense I ran to the bathroom to vomit. I never said anything to him about it as he clearly had an accident and was trying to hide it" (Source).

Not the Typical Nude Pics
Not the Typical Nude Pics

"When I was 10 I found dirty pics of Dr Laura (I think?) in my grandfathers desk when we were visiting over the summer. Instead of leaving them in his desk of course I had to take them. I stuffed them in my American Girl doll backpack and kept them a secret until I got home. I had a Mormon friend that had never seen nudie pics before, so of course I had to corrupt her. My mother walked in right as she was looking at them and snatched them away asking where I got them from. Needless to say the look on her face when I told her I found them in her dad's desk was priceless" (Source).

Up for a Challenge
Up for a Challenge

"A friend of mine relayed this to me. She had ordered some lube off the internet (she has allergies and wanted to try something new) and there was a mix-up in the order. She was charged for the lube, but ended getting in the mail the Great American Challenge. If you don't want to google it, it's an absolutely huge purple dildo. She wrote to the company asking wtf was up, and they responded with, 'Oh man, our bad. Keep the dildo as our gift to you, we'll send you the correct product asap'. Well, my friend decided she'd keep the Challenge to give out as a gag gift, but nobody ever wanted to keep it. Eventually, she put it in a drawer in her room and forgot about it.
A couple months later, her mom was in her room and straightening up, and lo and behold - The Great American Challenge. According to my friend, her mom's reaction was essentially, 'I don't blame you for getting sexual aides, but don't you think it's a little... much?'" (Source).

Memories of Pets Past
Memories of Pets Past

"My much younger sister (8 or so at the time) had little plastic bags filled with hair clippings from our assorted pets. Neatly labeled with names. She said they were for her 'art projects'. Unrelated, she also had one stuffed animal called Baby Meow that she was really fond of. Baby Meow popped a seam and ended up losing some stuffing, so she took this cheap stuffed bear she had and took some of its stuffing to make the repairs. Totally normal. Less normal? Hollowing out the bear's detached head and removing the eyes so Baby Meow could use it as a mask. That was a trip to find" (Source).

Top Secret Sauce
Top Secret Sauce

"I do not know why, but my 8 year old has taped a mustard packet to his door and labelled it 'Top Secret'" (Source).

Disappearing Goggles
Disappearing Goggles

"Ugh, too bad I'm late to the thread because this is a decent story: Happened a few years ago when my son was about ~14, daughter ~11. My son is on a local swim team and goes to practice every day after school. He's a talented swimmer but sort of a disorganized kid, and at first I didn't bat an eye when he reported he'd misplaced his swim goggles. So I bought him another pair...which he promptly also lost. This went on for quite awhile, leading to shouting matches -- the goggles weren't expensive but they weren't cheap ($20-$25 range), and after about the tenth pair I told him he'd need to pay to replace future pairs himself. Still kept losing them. I didn't know whether to be exasperated or amused. Mostly exasperated, at the time. About a year later I'm supervising my daughter as she cleans her room and we pull the bed away from the wall. There's a clattering sound, and a pair of swim goggles appears out of nowhere, seeming to fall from beneath the mattress. My daughter looks convincingly clueless. I investigate and find a tear in the bottom of the upholstered box spring and 31 pairs of swim goggles stashed inside my daughter's bed. It was like a clown car -- every time I reached in and retrieved a pair, more pairs would come tumbling along with it. My daughter swore she had no idea what happened, but eventually we figured it out: her pet ferret, Miles, had been stealing the goggles and stashing them when she let him out to play. There was some other junk in there, too -- a couple of pens and the insole of a sneaker -- but goggles were clearly his favorite. He'd been taking them from my son's gym bag, always left on the floor with the zippered flap conveniently ajar in the next room. As a postscript to this story: TIL that after typing 'google' numerous times a day for years on end, forcing yourself to type 'goggle' is really, really hard" (Source).

Margarine Mystery
Margarine Mystery

"Not my room but my older brothers. Several tubs of margarine. For a few months my mom couldn't figure out why all of her tubs of margarine were missing, whenever she went to cook. One day she was playing find the smell in my brothers room, he was 14 so this was a risky game. She found the smell as well as the dozen or so tubs of margarine. That's not even the messed up part, most of the smell came from rotting insects and small animals, lizards and reptiles, no mammals. His only reasoning was that he heard from a teacher that margarine was practically poisonous plastic and should never be ingested. He then would capture or kill bugs and put them in the tubs to make sure they were dead. This is the same brother that robbed our next door neighbor and left his backpack there, with all his school work. He also stole a bike then tried returning it to the same spot as the guy was talking to the police. He honestly told the cop that he only cut the lock to borrow it and somehow thought that would be ok. He's not a bright man" (Source).

The Shocking Haircut
The Shocking Haircut

"The worst thing I ever discovered in my kids' room was my (then) 6 year old and 3 year old daughters sitting on the bed with every single strand of their hair laying on the floor along with a pair of school safety scissors" (Source).

Cheeto Garland
Cheeto Garland

"When my son was around 6, I was cleaning his room, and came upon a very big ball of thread, inside of a sock, intermingled with Cheetos. I unraveled it, and discovered he had tied the Cheetos at intervals along the thread, creating a kind of Cheeto garland. I asked him about it, and he said he was going to try and eat them, one at a time, and then poop the string out, and floss himself. Flawless logic. Also, another story from the same period of time you may also enjoy I've repeated elsewhere. He decided to give himself a trim, as one does, and lopped a generous chunk of hair off the front of his head. When I noticed something looked off, and casually asked him, he said he was working on his spinning desk chair like a mechanic, and his hair got snatched up in the works. He then ran off to his room, and tried to put the pieces of his hair that he had hidden away, back on his head with tiny pieces of chewing gum, and then sticking it to his forehead. It was imperceptible" (Source).

Escape Route
Escape Route

"Not a parent, but my mom walked in on me digging not one but two holes in my bed room wall (adjacent to outside). I was about seven. My plan was to make myself a make-shift walk out patio. This I thought, would grant me quick access to our backyard which in turn would give me an unlimited supply of crab apples (we had one crab apple tree in our yard and it was prime harvesting season). I used scissors and cutlery for digging. Specifically a butter knife and a spoon. I had the holes to about three inches in diameter when my close friend had enough and decided to put an end to my escapade. The hole never got deeper than the one layer of drywall.
I still remember my mom walking in and asking me why my back was to the wall. Arms out to my sides. I was frantically attempting to cover up the damage because I hadn't finished yet, and it was to be a surprise. Classic.
Basically I dug a hole in my bedroom wall like a convict. Didn't get very far" (Source).

Hard to Hide
Hard to Hide

"When my stepson was 12 I went to put his coat away (that he had left on the hall floor, again) in his closet and noticed something in the back of the closet hidden under a pile of clothes. A tuba. After a brief talk (wanna talk about having a surreal conversation with your kid?) we ended up getting him lessons and he had a great HS marching band career. Finding the porn and the condoms was easy.. (my wife found them, but made me 'find them' and talk with him).. a musical instrument as big as he was, that was just bizarre" (Source).

Toddler Decorating Job
Toddler Decorating Job

"Ah, this one is one of my favorite stories. Not her bedroom, but still a bit of a surprise. We were having a small get together at our house when my daughter was about two-and-a-half. It was far past her bedtime, but she'd gotten up to go potty and gone back to bed. Shortly afterwards, anyone who came out of the bathroom was either chuckling or complimenting me on my lovely bathroom decor. Whaaa? We hadn't lived there long. There wasn't any decor. I decided I'd better check the bathroom. Lo and behold! The kid had peeled off the backing and stuck ALL the maxi pads to every possible surface she could reach. It was truly lovely" (Source).

6-Year-Old Chemist
6-Year-Old Chemist

"I'm not a parent, but this is something I used to do. My mom used to have tons of different shampoo bottles (I don't know why). 6 year old me was really interested in al these shampoo bottles, so I would take multiple types of shampoo and mix them together in plastic cups, then leave them around the house. But I didn't just mix them randomly. I measured stuff out, like it was a recipe. I carefully mixed them for a set amount of minutes. I even checked in on different mixes to see how they settled, and compared then to each other. Basically my 6 year old me tried to be a chemist" (Source).

The Quest for Pink
The Quest for Pink

"Overall my kid is pretty normal. He's 7, and a month ago I found an envelope with the words 'top secret' written on it hidden under his mattress. I opened it and he had written all over a piece of paper 'my favorite color is PINK' over and over. His favorite color has been green since he's been 2. (Or so I thought.) We talked to him about it and he was afraid he'd be teased for liking pink. (We've just moved to a new area and adjusting to the new school has been difficult.) We talked to him about it and he now has a few pink shirts and we're looking to see if we can find pink toys that aren't girls toys. (He wants superheroes, soldiers and legos,...but pink. It's harder than you think.)" (Source).

Tampon Treasure Trove
Tampon Treasure Trove

"I'm not a Mom but my little sister (I was 19, she was 5) had this box all decorated with shiny stickers and stick-on dollar store rubies and other gems that she'd made in school, she was very proud of it. She had stored her little box under her bed. One day my Mom noticed a ton of her tampons were missing from the bathroom. We shrug it off, assuming my older step-sister had been using them. Later that week I spotted my Sister's artsy box under her bed semi-open and curiosity got the Veronicat... I pulled the box from under her bed and, I sh-t you not, it was filled with tampon applicators. Just applicators. The wrappers were gone, the tampons were gone, but this cute kid's artsy box of wonders and joy was a graveyard of tampon applicators. Blue ones, green ones, a few cardboard ones. We tried to ask her where they went but she was embarrassed and never told us.
We thought maybe she'd been flushing everything down the toilet but our plumbing couldn't handle that. Later on we discovered that she'd been stuffing old pairs of socks with the tampons and tossing them into her toybox, buried deep where we wouldn't find them. Seriously... what the f--k kiddo haha" (Source).

Family Pot Business
Family Pot Business

"My mom found the pot I was growing in the closet. When she asked me what it was I told her it was an African tomato plant. She used to think it was the most beautiful plant in the world and water it for me until my sister told her what it actually was" (Source).

Snail Attack
Snail Attack

"My little brother snuck a bucket full of snails he caught into his room and over night they all climbed up the walls. it was horrific" (Source).

Sweetest Diary Entry
Sweetest Diary Entry

"Mine isn't shocking in a bad way, but here we go. My step-daughter is seven. Few weeks ago, while she was away at her dads for the weekend, my wife found her diary - not a proper diary but a little journal we told her to write about her days in. She was having a tough time at school, and we thought writing things down would help.
Anyway, the thing that stood out is in the first couple of pages she introduced herself and stuff, on the second page she'd put how I was the best dad ever and she wished I was her real dad. It was sweet. I was shocked, because while she does love me, she loves her dad very much. It was nice to read though" (Source).

Penis Art
Penis Art

"My brother and a few of his friends got extra stupid drunk one night and apparently got a little 'artsy' with his walls. My mom walked into his room the next morning to find 3 guys passed out with literally four walls of varying in sizes penis all over the walls. Seriously hundreds of d--ks, some were epic and vein ridden, some were like little ant d--ks but we counted them up to be about 306 d--ks. He never did paint over it...but just put a title on his door that said 'The Great D--k Farm'" (Source).

Practicing for the Future
Practicing for the Future

"When my daughter was 4-5 she would practice writing her numbers and letters over and over again.
You know how in a movie they go into the serial killer's house and find scraps of paper covering the walls completely covered in mostly illegible writing? It's like the universal code for 'this person is psychotic and will not hesitate to murder you for the pure joy of it'. This is what my daughters room would look like. Pages after pages of her practice writing, every inch of the page covered in writing, spread out all over the floor. Might not seem that shocking, but definitely strange to see" (Source).

It Was Clean
It Was Clean

"I remember walking into the room of my then 6-year old boy and find the room immaculately clean. Like, spotless. He said he just wanted to clean it. Do you realize how f--king strange that is?!" (Source).

Grandma's Toys
Grandma's Toys

"Late to the party here, but it is too good not to share. Last week, my son (4 years old) was playing in his room. He was way too quiet, which is never a good sign. As I was heading upstairs to check on him, I heard a sudden squeal and raucous, beautiful laughter. I poked my head in the doorway, and see him pressing my mother's bullet vibrator against his cheeks turning it off and on. Apparently he found it in an eyeglass case after snooping around in her dresser. He proudly exclaimed 'I found gramma's beeper!' Not really sure why he called it a beeper, but my mom and I thought it was hilarious. I just hope it was well cleaned the last time it had been used.... Tldr; Grandma needs a new hiding place for her toys" (Source).

Juice Domination
Juice Domination

"I once found 32 juice box straws in my sons room. He was 3 at the time, and had gone through the entire case of juice boxes, pulled the straws off and hid them so his sister (who was 4) couldn't drink them. He knew how to poke a hole in the top and suck it out, and she couldn't. If his plan had worked they would have all been his" (Source).

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