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It Burns, It Burns!
It Burns, It Burns!

When I was a kid in second grade, I saw all the cartoons with blind people who had grey eyes and I thought that looked insanely cool. So, I knew the sun could make people blind. For about a week, I would stare at the sun for 10ish minutes riding the bus to school in the mornings thinking that if I did it just right, I would get grey eyes but not go blindSource

Longest 4 Minutes Ever...
Longest 4 Minutes Ever...

In the 2nd grade, I thought it would be cool to record a song on a cassette tape and basically make a shout out to everyone in my class. It went something like "Hey Alex! How ya doing Sam?! I like your shoes Colleen! etc.." I made the teacher play it in class. Less than half way in I realized I had made a huge mistake...Longest 4 minutes of my childhood Source

Impressing The Ladies
Impressing The Ladies

I was the only boy at a girl's pool party. I thought I'd impress everyone by jumping into the pool while spinning like a d--- top or something. I didn't jump far enough out and my chin came down on the concrete ledge of the pool. Blood everywhere. Party ruined. Stitches required. Twenty years later I still have a weird mark on my chin Source

All The Cool Kids
All The Cool Kids

I molded a paper clip to look like a retainer and wore it to school. All the cool kids had dental work in fourth grade Source

My Mom Is Famous
My Mom Is Famous

When I was in 6th grade I randomly scribbled what I thought looked like adult signatures all over my notebook. I then told my teacher that my mom knew the Lakers basketball team and these were all their signatures. Thinking back I realize that the scribbles looked nothing like signatures, but it was nice of her to play along Source

Yup, Dumb
Yup, Dumb

Walked through the mall jingling my two house keys as if they were car keys, in an effort to look older. Yup, dumb Source

'Sup
'Sup

When I was 14 I went to Wal-Mart with my mom so I could get a new game that came out. I finished my purchase but didn't want to wait for my mom to shop. She gave me the car keys, and I walked back to the car swinging the keys around my index finger and whistling. I got into the passenger seat of the car, turned on a classic rock station, and rolled down the windows.

I felt so cool Source

A Terrible Mistake
A Terrible Mistake

From when I was 8 years old my eyesight started to progressively deteriorate every year. Around this time I thought the problem was my eyes did not have enough 'light' in them. I would stay awake at night and stare into my reading lamp to make sure I got enough 'light hours' a day. Hours and hours of staring into a bright bulb, collecting all those sweet sweet lumens.

Predictably, my eyes have only got worse Source

The Coolest Of The Cool
The Coolest Of The Cool

The first day of the 5th grade I thought I needed to look cool because I was finally an upperclassman of elementary school. So, my solution was to walk down the hallways pretending to count on my fingers all day. I thought showing off my counting skills would surely make me the coolest kid. Yea Source

Keep Out: Only For 6th Graders
Keep Out: Only For 6th Graders

Along that vein, I started 6th grade when all my neighborhood friends were starting 5th. When I got off the bus one day after school and they were all hanging out outside, I went over and showed off my "cool" 6th grade homework. Real slick Source

Playin' It Cool
Playin' It Cool

Third grade, I felt it appropriate to go to school dressed as Sonny from "Miami Vice". White blazer, sleeves rolled up. Pink pastel shirt, white pants. Complete with pennies in the loafers, forced to remove my sunglasses. To this day I do not know why my mom let me go to school like that. I thought I was hot shit. Looking back, I know why I was made fun of Source

Go, Go, GO
Go, Go, GO

I got on my bike... tied it to a f---ing tree.... and then peddled as hard as I could. Went over the top of the bike and busted the hell out of my face. Not entirely sure why I did this. But my friends were egging me on something fierce. Good friends Source

Kinda, But Not Really
Kinda, But Not Really

Well a little older than kid, but being the age where the doctor starts asking sexual questions. I was having a standard checkup and the "are you sexually active?" question came up. So I responded kinda. Is that a yes or a no? To which I sadly replied No Source

Stupid Lizzie. You Life Ruiner
Stupid Lizzie. You Life Ruiner

Crimped my hair. F--- you Lizzie McGuire Source

Let Me Just Lay Here
Let Me Just Lay Here

Fell going up the stairs at school and tried to play it off like I was relaxing or taking a break. In the middle of a flight of stairs Source

For A Good Cause
For A Good Cause

More than a dozen livestrong bracelets and associated knockoffs up and down my arm. At least some of the money went to charity Source

Guilty As Charged
Guilty As Charged

At 4-H camp, 'cool kids' decide to ditch the motivational speaker and go night swimming.

I follow, deciding I too will be cool. 5 minutes later we hear yelling and a camp counselor coming our way. We all run to the dorms and I hide under a bed. The camp counselor finds us and advises us to go shower as the pond was actually a waste treatment lagoon.

While showering one of the 'cool kids' looks at me and turns to his friends saying, "Who is that guy?" His friend responds, " I dunno I think he tagged along to be cool."

Guilty as charged Source

Out To Save The Ladies
Out To Save The Ladies

I was always, when I was younger, obsessed with superheroes I came up with myself. Whenever I went to preschool, and oftentimes kindergarten, I would show up wearing a cape, a bright yellow knit balaclava (it itched like hell) and a cow-skin print vest and sometimes chaps. I don't even know what sort of superhero dude I had come up with, but I was always convinced it helped with the ladies Source

Heading In The Wrong Direction
Heading In The Wrong Direction

Walking backwards. For weeks Source

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