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Someone's Got To
Someone's Got To

My wife was giving our 5 yr old son a bath and he was playing with his junk the entire time. Finally she tells him its not nice to do that and he responds with, "Well, nobodies doing it for me" Source

That's Me!
That's Me!

A few months back my wife showed a picture of herself to our 3-year-old daughter. In the picture my wife is about 7 years old. "Do you know who this is?"

Daughter: (gasps) "That's me when I'm bigger!"

I love that she thought this was actually possible Source

When She's Gone
When She's Gone

My son when he was 6: "Dad, can we get a cat?" Me: "Your Mom is allergic to cats, so no". My Son: "When Mom dies can we get a cat?" Me:" Sure Source

Yeah, That's Right
Yeah, That's Right

This morning, my wife told my 3 year old daughter that owls were nocturnal. My daughter responded "Yes, owls are not turtles" Source

A Young Artist
A Young Artist

My 4 yearl old is currently singing a song he made up himself. He only has a chorus that goes " You can't soooooolve Mississippi's problems" Source

That's One Polite Kid
That's One Polite Kid

Son and I are playing catch. I have a terrible throw that sails over his head. I say, "Sorry, that was a bad throw." He stops, gives me a kind look and says, "No daddy, that was a wonderful throw." Then takes 2 steps towards getting the ball. He stops again, turns back around and says, "When we say something nice, even when we don't mean it at all, that's called being polite, right"Source

Just Me And My Best Friend
Just Me And My Best Friend

My four year old son was in the bathroom with the door closed.

I knocked and said, "What's going on in there?"

His reply, "Nothing, it's just me and my penis" Source

I Love Them How 'Bout You
I Love Them How 'Bout You

I was putting my son to bed when he was about 5, and after the bedtime story, right when I was tucking him in and turning out the light, he said "Nipples. I love 'em. What about you?" with this totally serious expression. It took major effort to remain composed and try to make it look like I was taking his question seriously Source

Your Feet Not Mine!
Your Feet Not Mine!

My little sister was at the doctor's office for her annual check up--she had to be somewhere around 3. The nurse was asking all the standard coordination type questions--touch your nose, put your hands up, jump, etc. Being a healthy capable little devil, she's doing everything fine. Then, the nurse says, "stand on one foot." My little sister looks at the nurse, looks down, and hesitates. Then she walks over and stands on one of the nurse's feet Source

Good!
Good!

My cousin's daughter's response to "I love you", was "I love me too" for the longest time Source

More Daddy More!
More Daddy More!

While waiting in line to get her picture taken with Santa I was giving my 2 year old daughter pieces of popcorn one at a time as a snack. I must have been a little slow with my delivery and she shouted "MORE COCKPORN DADDY" at the top of her lungs. It was awesome Source

Ugh Salad...AGAIN.
Ugh Salad...AGAIN.

I was on the phone with my wife discussing dinner plans and my 7 year old informed us that 'salad is ruining my life' Source

Just Trying To Help
Just Trying To Help

I try to make it a point to take about 10 min at the end of each evening to help my daughter straighten up her room.

After a particularly rough day, I sat down on the floor of her room to help her sort thru her dolls and I had muttered "I really don't have the juice for this tonight..."

My daughter left the room and returned a few minutes later with a cup of apple juice for me Source

Little Do They Know
Little Do They Know

Overheard in a first grade classroom:

"Well when my Mom and Dad practice wrestling I get to eat a whole bowl of ice cream and watch whatever movie I want!!!"

That was a fun one Source

Persistence Is Key
Persistence Is Key

I gave my son a timeout from swords, light sabers, guns and (Thor) hammers due to him being too violent/aggressive. After about 10 minutes of quiet, I went to check on him and found him building w/ his Legos.

After I told him that I was proud of him for listening, I asked him what he was building. He told me he was building an ultimate Lego weapon so that he could destroy me.

I think he may have missed the point, but at least he's persistent Source

Proud Parents
Proud Parents

My 3 year old son has been watching a lot of Looney Tunes and he likes Daffy Duck. Now instead of saying good-bye like a normal kid, he says "So long suckers."

We are so proud Source

Cute But Sassy
Cute But Sassy

My three year old niece is a great little girl, and she has a firm grip on the rules... So much so that she walks around repeating them from time to time. Usually it's pretty mundane things like, "be careful around [her baby sister's name]" or simply "don't be mad".

The unprompted sharing of the rules is pretty cute, but it is really great when some of the more private rules come out while eating dinner or walking in the store, like "only daddy says god damnit" or "don't stick your fingers in your butt"Source

Trick Or Next!
Trick Or Next!

My son just turned two and is barely saying complete words. On Halloween we took him trick-or-treating and when someone would hold out their hand with candy, he would inspect it and if he didn't care for what the candy was, he would look up and say " no thank you" and then start towards the next house. It was hilarious Source

Oh Please No!
Oh Please No!

Not my son, but when I was a little kid, I had to pee in a cup at the doctor's office. It was my fist time doing it, so my mom helped me. After I peed into it, I said to her, "I don't have to drink it, do I" Source

A Little Anatomy Goes A Long Way
A Little Anatomy Goes A Long Way

My husband overheard his son talking with his friends about testicles at about age 8. The conversation went like this. "Those are the things that are underneath your penis." "I think those are called balls," tapping his chin thoughtfully. "No they aren't. They are right here," pointing to his abdomen. "What?" "You know, your large intesticles and small intesticles" Source

Close To Death
Close To Death

My father was driving with my niece in the back. At one point she said "how old are you grandad?". "59", he replied. "Oh, so next year you'll be 60?", "Yes.", "And after that, you'll be dead". Then she just kinda shrugged her shoulders and looked out of the window Source

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