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Probably Not How He Wanted His Dad To Find Out
Probably Not How He Wanted His Dad To Find Out

"We had one of our biggest clients bring his son's laptop in for service. Pretty typical stuff; malware and virus removal. So, he comes in to pick the machine up, but first he wants to see it work. We put it up on the counter, turn it on and watch how quickly it boots. He's happy, but decides to start opening files. He gets to the Videos folder and launches the first one on the list. It's some dude going balls deep in this other dude while a third party jacks it and watches. Awkward for the techs. He closes the video, opens one from further down the list. Another gay video. He just closes the laptop, puts it in the case, and hands us a check for our services, and walks out." (Source)

How Does This Even Happen?!
How Does This Even Happen?!

"Took in a laptop on a Monday and was backed up with computers so I was unable to look at it until Wednesday of that week. The shop is normally really clean but I began noticing that roaches were popping up everywhere. I started working on the laptop that the customer said 'just stopped working' when I noticed some crust around where the hdd and other components are and thought it was just dirty. When I popped it open, dead and live roaches came spilling out of this notebook. Apparently, the fans got clogged due to the amount of roaches inside causing the computer to overheat. (Source)

How...Just How?

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How...Just How?

Not sure I'm an "IT" but I do fix a lot of computers. Yesterday for the first time in 20 years I worked on a laptop that had lice. They crawled out of the keyboard when I opened it up. Wish I was joking. (Source)

Awkwarddd
Awkwarddd

"It's pre-opening hours, but we have some early morning tech support appointments available. Lady brings in a laptop. Says she's a personal assistant for a guy, and he said his laptop died while he was using it. I tried the power button - no response. Connected the power adapter to it - still dead. Connected it up to our known-good power adapter, and the machine starts coming back to life, as it had hibernated when the battery ran out after the power adapter died. Once it fully awakened from hibernation, the last thing running on the machine resumed. Which was full screen gay porn at full volume. Lots of flesh slapping together; lots of male moaning. She shrieked, and I tried to exit out of full screen, pause it, or at least mute it, but the keyboard wasn't responding. About 3 seconds of holding down the power button and the machine finally powered off, silencing the orgy. The only sound in the store was her quietly sobbing. She said 'I didn't even know my boss was in to that; he's married to a woman, and has kids!' I said 'I'll get you a new power adapter under warranty.' Awkward." (Source)

Poor Kid

(Source)

Poor Kid

I had a customer grill me about whether or not a virus could put gay porn on her hard drive and bring up images randomly. When I inquired further, she was asking because her son was claiming that was what happened when she walked in on him. (Source)

An Entire Loaf
An Entire Loaf

"I'm the family IT guy, and I also service the PCs of friends. I was once asked to take a look at a family friend's desktop. I got there, and it booted up really slowly and crashed after a few minutes. Stuck a live usb in it to check what Linux said about the system since windows was too unresponsive to do anything with. Sure enough, once up and running, Linux reported high system temps. So I shut down and unplug everything to inspect the inside. Once I popped the side off, I kid you not, there must have been an entire loaf of bread in the case. Like little pieces everywhere, in the front grill, the exhaust fan, the cpu fan, between the disk drives. It's was a mess. I called the "customer" over so he could see for himself, and he immediately yelled for his 6 year old son. A week or two ago, a whole loaf of bread disappeared and it turns out that the little snot stuffed the entire thing into the case through the front grill. It took no less than 3 minutes with a vacuum to clean up, but man what a weird thing to find in a computer!" (Source)

Mum's Encyclopedia
Mum's Encyclopedia

"Back in my college days I used to work in a small IT store doing repairs/sales etc. Woman walks in, beige desktop under her f_cking enormous beast arms , pops it down on my desk. Says: 'I want a full report of everything on the computer, i want to know what me kids are lookin' at' (verbatim). I take the machine, boot windows xp, there are 5 user profiles, all with passwords. Teenage Boy, Teenage Girl, Mum, Dad, and a surplus of accounts that were basically blank. All password protected so i had to boot off Hiren's and wipe passwords. Go into daughters account, standard myspace stuff at the time, some questionable content regarding teenage girl specific stuff, some naked dudes and girls, pretty standard. Teenage boy, some basic Kazzaa porn, you remember, the short 3 minute 320x240 videos that always had exe's attached. Hilariously inept attempt at hiding it, c:\docsandsettings\user\appdata\local\microsoft\internetexplorer\lib\blah\blah. Dad, was an avid viewer of rotten.com, also some basic saved porn, again, all really bad quality, was into feet, didn't understand. Mum. F_ck me. Mum was the worst, mum had what could be described as an encyclopedia or porn. She had it categorized in her MyDocuments folder, there had to be about 100gb of it, and some of the most f_cked up sh_t I have ever seen - some of the legality was questionable. And selfies, so many of them. Remember tubgirl? Think tubgirl. This woman had the same figure, and some of the same content as that awful site. Print directory listing and hand it back to her when she returns, give her the report, she asks what's on it. Gave her the run down, thought about it, and then made sure I highlighted her directories. Didn't bat a f_cking eyelid. I wish to this day I could un-see what i saw. I can only assume mum wanted to know what everyone else had so she could complete her encyclopedia." (Source)

It's A Win-Win
It's A Win-Win

"Porn of course, lots of weird stuff - and if your porn is too weird for me that is saying something. The only time I have ever found anything illegal was at my first IT job at a small community college. I discovered that someone was using the company servers to host a CP sharing site. It obviously had to be someone in the IT department and at first I thought it might be my predecessor and almost went straight to the head of the IT department. Luckily I realized this was a stupid idea before I acted on it and went straight to the president of the college instead. I definitely dodged a bullet because we called in an outside forensics guy who I got to shadow during his investigation during non-school hours, and it turned out to be the head of IT as well as another member of the team behind it. They went to jail and I got a significant promotion." (Source)

And That's Why Separation Of Duties Exists
And That's Why Separation Of Duties Exists

"Grand theft. It was a medical practice. The Doctor suspected someone was stealing money and asked me (software support tech) to investigate. I found that the lady would take a cash payment, put it in her pocket, enter it properly into the software, and print a receipt for the patient. Then she would delete the payment, and instead post one of the many write off codes (like for when the Doctor would perform pro bono work). I found that over the course of 2 years, she stole about $10,000. It was sad to follow the paper trail. Started off with $10. A month later, a few more bucks. Then a few times a month. Occasionally a large amount like $75. Towards the end, she was pilfering nearly $1000 a month. Since she did all the accounting, it wasn't discovered for a long time." (Source)

Ultimate Stupidity
Ultimate Stupidity

"Found child porn on a customers computer. He made no attempt to even hide it (sitting in his Documents folder). Called the police and when the customer came in to pick up his PC he was arrested. Guy ended up also being an illegal immigrant so he was eventually deported." (Source)

The Infamous Internet Hacker
The Infamous Internet Hacker

"I had a lady come in with a laptop and told me there was a hacker that was hacking it. I turn it on and booted it straight up. I asked her to show me what/when he had hacked. She pulled up the internet and it wouldn't connect. She kept saying that: 'He hacked my computer and I can't connect to the internet.' After a few minutes, I made a startling discovery. 'Ma'am, has this computer ever been connected to the internet?' 'No.' 'Ma'am, there isn't a hacker in your PC, you just need to connect to a network.'" (Source)

Some People...WTF
Some People...WTF

"Not me, but my neighbor, who works for the Geek Squad at Best Buy. One day, he had a middle-aged man (maybe 45?) come in and wait in line to come up to the counter. When it was his turn, he had people in lines beside him, and around ten people behind him in line. These people included very small children. When my neighbor asked how he could help, the guy said he had an issue with his tablet. My neighbor asks what the issue is, and the man tells him that sometimes videos won't play, and files won't load properly on his tablet. My neighbor asked for him to unlock the tablet and show him an example of the issue. The first thing the man does when he gets to his documents is click on a video titled 'CP.' Right there, in the middle of the store, he decides to play child porn on full blast for everyone to see. My neighbor was kinda shocked he would just casually pull it up like that, so he stopped the video, closed the tablet, and asked the man to step aside. Then he started to get angry, saying he had been in line for 30 minutes waiting to get his issue resolved. My neighbor called the police, and he was arrested at the store 20 minutes later. As he was being escorted out of the store, he started to yell and cuss at everyone else and scream about how it's fine because it was his niece." (Source)

Interesting Is An Understatement
Interesting Is An Understatement

"Aside from the child porn I found while working at [SPECIFIC ISP], while working at [SPECIFIC TECH SUPPORT COMPANY] that I'm at now, I was on this old guy's (probably seventies) computer, and on his desktop there was a metric f_ck ton of gay porn. But, like, young boy gay porn, with the ones that look like they're barely 18. And by metric f_ck ton I mean, aside from the Recycling Bin icon, the ENTIRE thing was all these videos. It was interesting. I give the guy a call to let him know we're all done with his computer, and he mentions how he's been having a problem where his mouse will double click when he only physically single clicks, and he demonstrates this by clicking on a good five or six of the videos on his desktop. My company has a thing where, no matter what happens while we're remoted into peoples' computers, we have to maintain professionalism and understanding. So, I had to sit there and watch young gay porn with an old man." (Source)

At Least She Wasn't With Him...Yikes.
At Least She Wasn't With Him...Yikes.

"I used to work at a help desk in a university in Massachusetts. One day we had a professor come in with an iPhone. This was when the icloud feature was first implemented and he came in and was complaining that his phone said it was full when he tried to take pictures, but he rarely did anything on his phone. So we took a look through his phone to see what was going on and all the space was coming from his photos. When we went in there to investigate, it turned out all the pictures from his daughters phone were syncing to his iPhone since they were on the same account. Lets just say its not the best situation when you and a professor are looking at his teenage daughter spread eagle on his phone." (Source)

What Is Technology?
What Is Technology?

"One day the facility manager comes up to me and tells me that his terminal ate his card...I thought he meant that his secure ID card was stuck in one of our card readers, which happens from time to time. So I walk down the hall to where the supervisor work stations are, and he tells me, 'No not here, in my office.' Now I am totally confused, because there are no card readers in his office. So I follow him to there and the conversation goes as follows: Me: 'So where did you lose your ID Card?' Boss: 'No I didn't mean my ID card, I mean my CREDIT CARD.' Me: 'How did you lose your credit card?' Boss: 'This thing ate it...points at his desktop:...' Me: O_o 'How???"' Boss: 'I was ordering something off our supply site and it told me to put my card info in, so I put it in the drive, and it didn't come back' Me: 'I'm sorry what???? Where did you put it?' Boss: 'Points at the CD drive' There is not a 'Facepalm' large enough for this...." (Source)

Close Out Your Tabs Buddy
Close Out Your Tabs Buddy

"Had a customer the other day complain about pop ups in his Internet browser. I opened up chrome with him there and his last page opened up was a how to make a pocket p*ssy YouTube video." (Source)

Well That Was Unexpected
Well That Was Unexpected

"I worked at a large company run by and mostly employed by Orthodox Jews. One of the highest level directors of the company, and also an Ultra-Orthodox Jew, had over 500MB of image files on his home directory on the network which was against company rules. Only work related stuff allowed, no images or mp3s in user folders. There were repositories for work-related audio and image files on the network. Curiosity got the best of us and we decided to look at the pics. We saw hundreds of pics of him dressed as Adolf Hitler performing BDSM on women who were NOT HIS WIFE." (Source)

Nooooo!
Nooooo!

"This wasn't so bad but I always found it funny. While restoring a completely broken computer that a friend had brought in for his friends (who were an elderly couple), he told me to check their documents folder to make sure they hadn't lost anything. To my surprise I was bombarded with pictures of his elderly friends in the nude. In my shock, I tried to rapidly click through the pictures on to something nice so no one else would see. This was a mistake as it went from nude pics to pictures of them performing various sex acts. Having just witnessed more than I was prepared for, I remembered how much misery loves company and called out to my friend. As soon as he came within blast radius, I turned the monitor towards him and displayed what was on the screen: a nice old lady with a mouthful of elderly c*ck. He recoiled like he had just been punched in the psyche. He let out a 'Nooooo!' and then said 'I had dinner plans with them tonight.' Yeah? Good luck with that, buddy. This was over ten years ago and I have to say I was rather impressed with their skill with a digital camera. That, and their healthy sex life." (Source)

"It Came This Way"

"I had a guy have his computer boot up with a wallpaper of himself giving another guy a reach around. 'It came this way' was the best thing he could say as he stumbled for words. I nodded, pulled the plug on the monitor, and ignored all the horrified people behind him best I could." (Source)

Well That Was Unexpected

(Source)

Well That Was Unexpected

"A Ziplock bag of individual baby teeth and a dildo inside the desktop case. It was a dad that brought the computer in because his son had been watching porn on it and assumed that was why he had twenty or so search bars and various add-ons destroying his browser. The ziplock bag was labeled Frank's baby teeth in black sharpie. The dildo was definitely NOT SMALL; I still have penis envy. I called their house and asked who is Frank, and the mother, who answered said "OH MY GOD I AM SOOOO SORRY HE IS MY SON I WILL BE RIGHT THERE!" She knew. Oh god did she know. She came directly in from, what I assume was her work as a nurse, paid me $100 to toss EVERYTHING, bought a new computer, bought a warranty plan from me. I never saw her again." (Source)

Mr. Side Hustle

(Source)

Mr. Side Hustle

"I worked corporate IT. One of the VP-level guys had us work on his laptop. Turns out, he was running a porn film business on the side, and used his work laptop to run it. Scans of all these girls' driver licenses, contracts etc. It got him fired. Also, he was running the metro area's largest swingers club." (Source)

What A Scene

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What A Scene

"If I had to go for worst, it would probably be porn that ended in three people going to jail. I got called to look at a family computer, no big deal, just a tune-up. I get there and I start doing my thing and there's two people home at that point; the mother and an older teenage son. Mom is hanging over my shoulder and already I'm getting a bad feeling, this never ends well when someone hovers. Sure enough, a porn stash turned up. Nothing major though somebody was really into anal. Mom loses it. Absolutely loses her sh_t and starts screaming at her son about bringing "trash" into the house. The son gets defensive and they're near to blows when dad comes back with a younger (I'd say 12) daughter and someone I later learned was an aunt. I never found myself more glad to live in a state that was so paranoid about keeping guns out of people's hands than was that day because it devolved into a shouting match between mom, dad, aunt, and son. The daughter didn't really seem to react, which makes me think this was not altogether abnormal. She actually came and sat down next to me to see what I was up to. I asked her if she maybe needed me to call the cops. "Oh, no. It's always like this. I'm just waiting for one of them to kill the others." Right. Gotcha. Let's wrap this up fast. The universe must have been listening to her because she got her wish...kinda. I hear this loud angry screech and I whirl around in time to see the son charge through the living room holding a sledgehammer and just power bomb his way through the front door into a full two-handed berserker leap onto dad's car and just start wailing on it like he was Hercules fighting the lion. This being an expensive looking car, dad was not happy with this and solved the problem by grabbing the nearest thing (in this case it was a sprinkler key) and whacking the son in the shins. Well now mom was feeling left out so she charges out the front door and looses a decorative bowl at dad. Missed by a mile and took out a window on his car. Please note, the daughter was reacting to all this like it was just another day in the neighborhood. She didn't even twitch when the son came charging through the front door. Girl had the self-control of a goddamn samurai. Now dad and son are rolling around on the lawn and doing their best to kill each other while mom is trying to disrupt the process with the help of auntie who is basically just whacking whoever she can reach with her hand. This being a rich neighborhood, the piggies showed up pretty quick. At that point the son had broken loose and was trying to keep away from the dad by staying on the opposite side of the now heavily modded car and swinging around a piece of the car that had broken off. Auntie was kind of hyperventilating sitting on the lawn and mom was....I think speaking in tongues because I sure as hell didn't understand what she was saying, she just kind of flailed around and screeched like a madwoman. At this point, I'm just standing in the doorway wondering where this is going. I'm positive someone's getting a stun gun in the face and relatively sure someone's going to end up with a round in them, but they are white and this is a rich neighborhood with all the neighbors watching. Can't go full Rodney King here. It took three squad cars, six officers, and two tazings to get the situation settled down. The son actually had to be physically picked up and thrown in a squad car. I gotta hand it to him, he took a tazer like a champ and kept on kicking. He must have been his mother's son because she was full Cthulu by the time the officers showed up, just running around yelling at everything with spit flying and her clothes all torn up. Cops had to taze her just to get her to hold still. Dad kinda wore himself out but still had enough fight in him to take a swing at the officers. The aunt required an ambulance. The thing that stuck with me through all that was the daughter. Never broke her expression, never showed any fear or worry, never even gave what was going on a second thought. Think Luna Lovegood from the HP movies; that kind of dead, uneasy calm demeanor the entire time. Never got paid for that job. I considered the show somewhat worth it, though I do still worry about the daughter." (Source)

Crocs? *Shudders*

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Crocs? *Shudders*

I had a guy come in to my store Monday that just made me shake my head. He had a mesh back Duck Dynasty hat on, a button-down camo shirt with approximately no buttons done up and a huge hairy gut showing, sweat pants that weren't quite big enough, and crocs. He said to me "the internet isn't working on my computer. I only ever use it to check the weather from my boat" which was definitely bullsh_t. I turned the system on and once it eventually booted up and loaded windows, the desktop background was a huge boobs. Absolutely no reaction from him. The picture that he used looked grainy and there wasn't enough light, so I'm not entirely sure he didn't take this picture himself. Probably his wife. I signed his computer in, washed my hands thoroughly, and put gloves on, because I wasn't f_cking touching this thing. There was porn everywhere on this thing: Links in the desktop, bookmarks in his browser, etc. His homepage was youporn, iirc. Anyway, I remember the garbage from his system... full of malware and whatnot, and called him to tell him that it was ready to be picked up. He showed up a few minutes before I had to leave for the day, and he was wearing the exact same outfit, in the exact same dirty unbuttoned configuration. (Source)

Terrible

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Terrible

Date: Late Sept , 2001 Location: IBM facility in NY I was backing up data for a rebuild. Everything was manual, because there was no AD infrastructure to enforce data storage locations. Finding data to back up typically involved looking in the common folders and any other location the user pointed out. Not too long into the process I saw something named "WTC party" or something to that effect.... Now clearly, we're all still numb from the attacks, and want justice. So I investigate further and discover that it was a party to "celebrate" the successful attack on the WTC. I remember seeing some foreign language on it. So I reported it to my Tech Lead and it was QUICKLY moved into his office. I'm not 100% certain, but I know tracking/monitoring software was installed and machine was returned to him. It went up through the channels so high in the company that we were told never to speak of it again. (Source)

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