Share

Yikes
Yikes

Had been on a couple of dates with this guy. At his place, watching a movie. He climbs on top of me. I tell him I'm not comfortable. He does it again, adding, "I like shy girls." Date over. (Source)

Smells Like What?!

(Source)

Smells Like What?!

I met a guy on Grindr. Turns out his profile picture was 10 years out of date, and he was about 100 lbs heavier. But I decided to give it a chance anyways, because I didn't want to be rude. His first question was if I liked to drive my car barefoot. Then he complained that his dinner smelled like n_ggers. I left immediately. (Source)

Personal Space, Bro

(Source)

Personal Space, Bro

We arranged to meet at a bookstore because that is where I am most comfortable meeting people. When he arrive he looked nothing like his photo and stood way too close. So close that I couldn't even think of a situation where standing that close to someone is ever acceptable. I decide to walk around and hopefully my walking around would put some distance but nope. Somehow this guy was able to stay glued to me the entire time. Every question I asked was replied with an "I don't know". Finally, I said I was feeling really uncomfortable and was going to go home. I turn to leave and I feel his hand go from my shoulder down my back to my hip. It made me cringe so bad. I noped out fast. (Source)

This Guy Knows How To Pick Em'
This Guy Knows How To Pick Em'

"She started talking about 'our wedding' and 'our future kids' on our first date. She wasn't joking around, and when I told her that it was way too sudden to be talking about that, she looked at me quizzically and said 'Don't you want to get married?' First online date I'd ever gone on. Plenty of awkward ones after that (including the girl who got drunk then admitted she had an infant son and lived with her ex-husband), but that one took the cake. (Source)

Utterly Insane

(Source)

Utterly Insane

He turned up drunk, and brought pictures of his time in Iraq in the army with him, that he took me through painfully slowly, one-by-one. I politely excused myself to go for a cigarette and he lost it - accused me of being rude, shouting about how no wonder I was single, and then sat on my coat so I couldn't run away - saying that even if I did leave, he would follow me and make me sorry. He also goes on a rant about how all graduates are entitled d_ckheads, he doesn't agree with women going to uni, and that I'm a middle class c*nt. He had insisted on paying for my drink, so when I came back in I said I wanted to go, and he insisted that I OWE HIM a drink, 'cos he was going up Camden to meet his mates and didn't want to be behind on the drinks front. Fine, whatever, he's CLEARLY insane, I'll just buy him one to shut him up then I can leave. At the bar, he begins throwing ice at the barmaid when her back is turned, then when she turns around accusingly, points at me and says 'she did it'. The barmaid and I both know that it was him. After he has his pint in his hand he goes back to the table, and I confess to said barmaid that I'm on the worst date of my life and want to run away. She pours me a shot of tequila, tells the bouncer to distract him, then helped me run away, as he banged on the window and shouted 'I'll find you'. Ran home, sobbing like a lunatic. (Source)

Well At Least The Baby Was Sober (Maybe)
Well At Least The Baby Was Sober (Maybe)

"Met a girl online, she shows up for our first date drunk, with her drunk friend... and one month old son that she had forgot to mention (baby was sober I think). I excused myself to the restroom and ran like my ass was on fire." (Source)

Check Please
Check Please

"She brought up politics & religion, attacked my stance on both, then pestered me about my financial stability all before they brought out the bread." (Source)

Literally WTF
Literally WTF

"This was a third date, he was a nice enough guy, an editor at the local newspaper. We're at his house and he's made me dinner and suddenly he drops in normal conversation that his fetish is having sex with girls that are unconscious. I immediately stopped eating, stopped drinking, and made my exit. I did not get roofied but damn was I scared that it was in the cards for that night. His exact words were 'You're so sexy. I'd love to share something with you since we seem to be hitting it off... Yada yada yada.' I excused myself to the bathroom and pretended to get an emergency call. He got arrested two years later for being a peeping tom, then moved away. I swear this happened. I met some real weirdos when I was doing the OK Cupid thing. For instance, met a guy that said a black panther was his spirit animal and that she came to him in his dreams. Sometimes she told him to do bad things to people, but she was OK with me. That one never got a second date...but I saw his engagement notice in the paper a year later." (Source)

Just A Minor Detail To Leave Out
Just A Minor Detail To Leave Out

I was in my late teens and went on a date with a friend of a friend. He seemed nice, and I got the OK from my bff, so I anticipated a pleasant, quiet evening - we were just going for frozen yogurt and TV at his house, after all. Well everything's going smooth and he seems really sweet. He tells me he likes to write poetry and my teenage girl brain is thinking, 'Wow! A sensitive guy! How refreshing.' Then he tells me that he wants to show me something. I assumed it was a poem he wrote because we had just talked about it.

ME: 'Ok! What is it?'
HIM: 'Well, it's not ready yet, but it will be in a couple minutes.' As he leans over on his side, away from me. ME: Confused, because I'm expecting a poem... is he going to write a poem in a couple minutes? This is going to be awkward.

Then he starts making all these innuendos about what it is. I get annoyed because he sounds like he's describing his penis, and the joke is dying fast. Finally, just to shut him up, I say, 'If it's your D_CK then NO I DON'T want to see it!'

HIM: 'Oh... okay then.' And he sits back normally on the couch. I'm super confused and think he's pulling my leg. I ask if he's kidding and says no. He seriously wanted to whip out his junk and show me.
ME: 'What the hell am I supposed to say to you while your d_ck is out?!'
HIM: 'Well, my last girlfriend told me she'd been waiting to see it all night.' ME: Stunned silence. Then, 'Ohh...kay...'

Being the awkward teen I was, I sat back into the couch, not touching him (we had been cuddling up until that conversation) and uncomfortably waited out the remainder of whatever show was on TV - and then bolted. After I got home, I called my BFF and frantically told her what had happened. Her response? 'Ohhh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. He likes to do that.' (Source)

Well How Was He Supposed To Know About The Random Orgy?
Well How Was He Supposed To Know About The Random Orgy?

"I left in the middle of a movie once. The date was going great but I forgot that I had left a pot pie in the oven in my apartment (only broke college guys and old people eat pot pies). I remembered a few minutes in and whispered something along the lines of 'gotta get my pot pie out of the oven so I don't burn down my apartment I'll be right back.' I did return but she was pissed. Thought we could go see the pot pie and have a laugh. Arrived at my previously empty apartment to find my brother and the neighbor girls drunk and naked in my living room. Showed her the pot pie and she said something along the lines of 'you're an asshole take me home.'" (Source)

Nothing Screams Bad First Date Like Forced Karaoke
Nothing Screams Bad First Date Like Forced Karaoke

"OKcupid date - emailed back and forth, had some common interests, seemed like we would get along. We met up and got food, a couple drinks, seemed to be getting along well. Then he starts talking about how good he is at Karaoke. He's been in contests and won first place, he and his friends go all the time, etc. I tell him I've only done karaoke a few times, when very drunk and with a big group of friends. I also mention that I'm pretty sure I'm tone deaf. He tells me there is a Karaoke place only one block away!!! I tell him I'm not interested. He tells me you get your own little booth. No one else will even hear you. You can pick whatever songs you want!!! No waiting while other people sing!!! It's clear he's not giving up, so I grab two shots of vodka and say fine, I'll try it. We go to the karaoke lounge and get our booth and he does three or four songs perfectly. I start my first song and he starts criticizing me, and pointing out what i'm doing wrong WHILE I'm trying to sing. Then he picks up the other mic and starts singing over me. I say f_ck this and just get up to leave. He chases after me and tells me - 'I need you to pay for half of this.' It's $60. I look in my wallet, take out the only cash I had and said "here's $20, and you can go f_ck yourself". Then he follows me to the bus stop and tried to make idle chit chat while I wait to get the f*ck away from him." (Source)

Excuse Me?!
Excuse Me?!

It was an OkCupid date and we met for coffee after talking awhile. He had a sour look on his face when I got there, so I wasn't expecting too much. When our coffee came out, he said 'I'm glad you didn't ask me to pay for that, because I don't think you should be drinking something with that many calories.' I'm a fat person, but he was way fatter than me, so I thought he was being self-deprecating. I was prepared to roll my eyes and let it go, but then he ranted for about 15 minutes about how women were getting too fat and how they should be pressured to lose more weight. Eventually I stopped him with a 'You saw my picture! Why did you even agree to coffee?' His answer was 'I was hoping you had lost weight since the picture was taken, because no one would put themselves on a dating app in that condition.' (Source)

Poor Guy
Poor Guy

Had joined a new sports club and there was one guy who was quiet and kind of just hung around the periphery of the group. I felt kind of bad for him so I was always trying to bring him into conversations and talk to him. One night we all went out for drinks after the game and I talked to him for awhile. Conversation was hard work but he seemed like a nice guy. He texted and asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee. I wasn't really interested but I knew given how quiet he was that it probably took a ton of nerve to text me that and I thought maybe in a 1:1 environment he would be more comfortable and I could get to know him a little more. We met at the coffee shop and he had a big backpack with him. We ordered drinks then chatted, with me again doing most of the talking - he rarely initiated but would answer questions. About 1/2 hour in he said he had a few things to show me to let me get to know him better. He proceeded to do a show and tell from his backpack pulling out various items and pictures and telling me about them. Some were kind of interesting (a family trip) and some I had no idea how to respond to (here is a picture of how I had my hair cut in grade 8). He had stuffed animals and lots of items from his childhood. I kept trying to bring the conversation to the present to find out if the item linked to a current interest or hobby but he kind of had the story about each item rehearsed and he would go right back to the show and tell. Eventually the table was full of stuff and I tried to politely say that I had seen enough and to change the topic. He told me had still had more to show me. I ended up saying I felt sick and left. I felt kind of bad but it was just getting too weird. (Source)

What Are The Odds It Happens Again?
What Are The Odds It Happens Again?

"I've had a girl walk out on me, took me weeks to realize why. This was date 3. We'd met initially at a nightclub randomly, kinda just said hi and our groups merged (the boys and her girls), met up a week later at a carnival and had a great time. This day in particular, we met up for a basic lunch at a nice little spot near my place and just had nothing to talk about (which was odd, she seemed semi vacant). Lunch goes by with small talk, we pay separately and she asks to come back to my place - no problems there, she's an attractive girl and I have a penis. Anyhow, we get back to my place, she throws on a dvd while I snack up the coffee table and we start talking about pet peeves with the opposite sex. Usual things come up first, like toilet seat positioning and 'get ready time' for outings. Somehow it leads on to a story about this girl I knew who was 'dating' me whilst having an actual boyfriend on the side, and how disrespectful it was in the end. She just goes pale white, grabs her stuff and makes some excuse about forgetting something at home. I thought I'd maybe sounded a bit cocky or come across like a douchebag, kinda felt like an ass for a day or so and moved on. My housemate ran into her and her boyfriend shopping a week later. That was awkward." (Source)

Date Over
Date Over

Guy from OkCupid a few years back. Takes me to a 5 star restaurant, I try to stick to the middle of the road drinks/food as it's a first date. Dinner went really well so we decide to go for post-dinner drinks. I get to the point where I feel I should stop drinking since it's a first date and I wasn't really ready for him to see me trashed. He orders me another drink and then invites me over to his house because his wife is out of town. Date over. (Source)

"Not Gonna Work Out" Is An Understatement

"We had been on a couple of dates, and he invited me to his house to watch a movie. I showed up and he immediately brings me an Ice Pick. I don't like vodka and I wasn't in the mood to drink, but I thanked him for the drink and I sipped on it a little. He commented that I wasn't drinking fast enough. I said 'Oh, well I'm not really in the drinking mood.' He kept pressuring me to drink. I inspected my glass to make sure there was no residue or anything else in it. There wasn't, but when I finished he made me another without asking. I thanked him, but said that I really didn't want another. He told me not be rude and that I should have drinks with him if he's making them for me. When I finished that one I said 'I really don't want another.' He brings me another. It's obvious that he's trying to get me drunk. He keeps trying to make out with me and I said that I really wanted to watch the movie. He keeps, literally, pulling my face towards him and shoving his tongue down my throat. I turned the other way on the couch, so I had my feet down by him and he couldn't get to my face. He then gets on the floor, and walks on his mother f*cking knees to my face and starts trying to kiss me again. I said I needed to go to the bathroom. I quietly called my best friend and told her I need her to call me back with something 'urgent' in a couple of minutes so I could get out of a bad date. She did, and I took off. After that he kept trying to call and text me a lot and I just told him 'Look, you were obviously trying to get me drunk, and kept forcing kisses after I said I wanted to watch the movie. This is not gonna work out.'" (Source)

She's A Keeper Alright

(Source)

She's A Keeper Alright

"I told her I was color blind, she recoiled and said it was 'gross' and sat there looking at me like I had the plague or something. I just sort of got up and left. It was really odd." (Source)

Ya Snooze Ya Loose, Buddy
Ya Snooze Ya Loose, Buddy

"He was 45 minutes late, got mad that another guy had started chatting me up at the bar while I waited, then proceeded to tell me about the hidden satanic messages in the opening ceremony of the Olympics." (Source)

You And Me Both Buddy
You And Me Both Buddy

"We were already dating, but I thought it would be nice to take her for a meal one evening. She walked in, followed by her sister, then her best friend... And their respective boyfriends, all of whom had no money. She got upset when I said I didn't have enough money to feed six when a meal for two would have set me back £40 or more, so I left. She sent me a text on my way home saying we were over, I didn't bother replying. To this day I have no idea why she thought it was socially acceptable to bring four more people to our date without telling me first." (Source)

Like A Boss
Like A Boss

"We met online. She brought her sister on our first date. She never spoke and all her sister did was drill me about 'my plans' and 'my intentions.' After ordering she said 'I hope you're planning on paying. That's what a real man would do on a first date.' So I said 'true but this wasn't a date, it was a job interview.' I dropped my half in cash and walked out. Btw I drove us there. Never heard from them again." (Source)

The Nuclear Family

(Source)

The Nuclear Family

She was from a "nuclear family" with lots of money. In itself, not a bad thing. However, she proceeded to go on a rant about "trashy" people from divorced/remarried and single parent families, and how those people would never amount to anything, that sort of thing. She also mentioned how she could tell I was from a traditional family with wholesome values, not some loser raised by a slutty single mother or influenced by a runaway, deadbeat father (her words) because I was clearly raised right. At this point, I get up from the table, track down the wait staff, and ask for separate checks. As she proceeds to call me an assh_le for not paying for her meal and acts confused about why, I tell her not to contact me again, but that I'll be sure to pass on to my single mother that people are noticing how well she raised me. (Source)

Miss No Fun

(Source)

Miss No Fun

We met at a nicer restaurant, sat down and had a decent conversation. We started to look over the menu and the wine list. I asked if she had a preference regarding the wine. She said no. I ordered a bottle of Pinot Grigio, since I didn't know her preferences or what she might order: kind of a nice middle of the road selection. When it came, the waitress brought two glasses, did the usual tasting and, when she went to pour my date a glass, she quickly declined. The waitress poured me a glass and left. I asked her if she'd prefer another drink. She launched into what I can only describe as a Temperance Lecture. She was stridently anti-alcohol and my ordering wine had clearly upset her. This was a first date, so I had no way of knowing any of this and had she let me know her thoughts ahead of time, say, when I asked her preference or when I was ordering, I'd have gotten something acceptable to her. Instead, I was getting a lecture that would. not. stop. I got called a drunk and rude and insensitive repeatedly by someone I just met in the course of about 5 minutes. After a few minutes the waitress came over and asked if everything was OK. I told her "No". Told my date that our date was over, and asked the waitress if I could be re-seated at the bar. The waitress and my date both looked shocked. My date picked up her sweater and purse and stalked out. I picked up my glass. The waitress picked up the bottle and led me to the bar. I met a very nice young lady with different ideas and we shared the bottle and a very nice evening at the bar, so my night turned out just fine. (Source)

Please, Tell Me More About All Your Exes

(Source)

Please, Tell Me More About All Your Exes

I took a girl once to my favorite Mexican restaurant. She proceeded to pretty much give me a run down of her past 5 boyfriends, why the relationship failed, how each was in bed, what they all did for a living, where they all took her for vacations. My eyes started to cross, and my blood was starting to boil. I was relegated to "un huh's" and "wow, that guy is an assh_le" responses. She seemed very disinterested in anything I had to say, and I was f_cking done. As I was about to get up and walk out, the waiter brought my fajitas. So you know what...I just rolled with it. Started asking questions about her ex boyfriends. All the while, I was stuffing my face with tasty tasty fajitas. Honestly, most of the dudes sounded like pretty good guys, but I put on a brave face and sh_t talked them in between bites. Once I was full, I got up, said I needed to go to the bathroom, paid for my half of the meal at the register, and just left. She was busy texting someone, and didn't even notice. On my way home, she texted me and asked me where I was. Told her that I left, and that maybe she should ask one of her ex boyfriends to come and pick her up since she spent the last 45 minutes doing nothing but talking about them. Got a couple f_ck you's, you're an assh_le texts on the drive home...but its been radio silent ever since. (Source)

The Racist

(Source)

The Racist

This was 2001. Met a girl cycling in the mornings and every morning we seemed to have the same schedule. We'd chat while we rode. She was funny and had a killer body so I asked here out. We meet up for lunch talking for the first time not on our bikes. Not 5 minutes into it 9/11 comes up. She said the following: God didn't protect us because of the gays in NY; Islam should be illegal in the US; She saw no problem killing Muslims and/or gays; Non-Christians shouldn't be allowed to vote Bonus: She almost didn't come to the date because there are so many "blacks" in the city Note, this was not a discussion. It really came out almost bullet pointed. I'm just sitting there going "uh huh, uh huh, uh huh" as she goes from one topic to another. I straight up just said, "You are truly a horrible person." and went on my merry way. Stuck her with the bill. (Source)

Just A Casual Heroin Bathroom Break

(Source)

Just A Casual Heroin Bathroom Break

On a date with this girl from the local college; things are going alright at first. She's looking for something purely physical, to which I had no objections; so she suggests we go back to her place. The apartment is kind of a sh_t hole, sparsely furnished, her burnout roommate is rolling a blunt on the coffee table in their dimly lit living room by himself, empty 40 bottles all over. Still, no objections; I can get down with some grimey punk rock sh_t, to an extent. So we go to her room and start making out, she puts on some music, we begin taking our clothes off; just when things are getting really hot she excuses herself to the bathroom. She's gone a while, maybe 5 minutes, so now I'm getting bored. I get up, start checking out the books on the shelf... then I step on something and it sticks to my foot. I pick it off, it's a little 2" square of tin foil, all burnt on one side. Then I notice the used up tea candles in the trash, and the spoon, q-tips and steel wool on the desk... it's not subtle, this chick is a junkie. I'm still waiting for her to get back from the can so I can politely excuse myself, when it occurs to me she's taking so long she's probably passed out. I go knock on the door, no reply. Knock again... "What the f*ck? I'm- I'm almost done." "I know what you're doing in there." "Yeah? So what? You can't judge me!" "You're making it pretty easy to judge you, actually." "Oh go f_ck yourself!" "Great idea, enjoy your heroin!" I can hear her scrambling to put her kit away and clean her sh_t up, but there's really nothing left to be said. I go back to the bedroom, put my shoes on, and casually leave through the window so I won't have to say anything to her creepy roommate. She starts blowing up my phone almost immediately "where r u?" "what st r u on?" "come back, lets talk, its nbd" "I'll pick u up". She had given me a ride there, and was now driving around looking for me! Thankfully, a close friend of mine lived on that same block, and he was home... so I just walked in Kramer-style and explained the situation: "Hi dude, sorry to bother you, my date's on a bunch of dope and is following me around trying to convince me to give her the D, can I hang out here for a half hour?". Never heard from her again. Friend gave me a beer. (Source)

Okayyy...

(Source)

Okayyy...

The most memorable was when the guy put his hand on my thigh and whispered "Just so you know for later, I'm HIV positive." To put this in context, it was my first time meeting this guy and the date wasn't going particularly well to begin with. It was equal parts presumptuous and creepiness that was off-putting. (Source)

Cognitive Dissonance

(Source)

Cognitive Dissonance

Met a gorgeous girl at the gym but we didn't talk too much before I invited her out. Next day we're having drinks and appetizers and she had to be the most shallow thing I've ever seen. The whole half hour or so she kept telling me what the "guy" should be doing for her and what she expects from her man and how she should be treated, and so on and on and on and on and on.... I was getting really tired of listening to her but she was so hot I was having major cognitive dissonance between my heads. So I get up to go to the bathroom and have a moment of silence to think about it. After leaving the bathroom I told the waitress to bring the check and went back to the table. Another 5-6 minutes of her telling me what she expects, and needs, and wants, the waitress drops off the bill. Startled and surprised by the sudden unsolicited bill she finally shuts up for a moment and I get to say something. So I asked her "So you want and expect all this from the guy but what do you offer, what do you bring to the table?" She looks at me like a sheep would look at the computer and says " Well, I bring myself, isn't that worth enough?" I look at the bill, 24 bucks, drop off $15 at the table and tell her, "No, you're not worth the 12 dollars." and walk off... (Source)

Mr. Intolerant

(Source)

Mr. Intolerant

Yep! Got set up with a guy (total striped shirt bro). I knew he wasn't my type but figured what the f_ck, let's try something new. He took me out to the standard date restaurant in my city, which is boring but the food is good. Then all he could talk about is how amazing his alma mater (Ohio State) is and how much Michigan sucks. Miraculously, at some point, he asked about my family. I gave him a quick run down and mentioned my female cousin was married with a couple kids. Asked what her husband did and I said her WIFE stayed at home with their children....and he responded with, "Oh she's a lez? Was she sexually abused as a kid? I mean, that gay sh_t isn't normal so that sucks you have to deal with it." Instead of arguing and questioning him, I just got my ass up and left - I didn't even say a word. The look on his face was incredulous. To this day, I can't hear or see anything about Ohio State University without thinking about that piece of sh_t. (Source)

The Stalker

(Source)

The Stalker

Met a guy in the mall I worked at, he was cute and shy. After a week of flirting he asked for my number, I was so stoked. We got to texting and it turns out we were neighbors. He asked me to go for a walk that night and I happily said yes. He gave me a creepy vibe within a few minutes of the date starting so I started planning my out. I told him I had a late night yoga class and I had to get home. On the walk to my place he asked if I wanted to see pictures on his phone. I agreed, thinking that they were going to be pictures of his dog or something.... Nope, pictures of naked girls from the Internet. Luckily we made it to my apartment building and he asked to hug me. I basically ran in the door, and as soon as I was safe inside I messaged him I wasn't interested in him. He stalked me for months. Upwards of 70 texts a day. It took friends showing up and threatening him...(Source)

That's Enough Air Guitar For A Lifetime

(Source)

That's Enough Air Guitar For A Lifetime

Lunch, in college. Jimi Hendrix starts playing on the radio in the burger joint. We agree we both love Hendrix. Then he jumps up from the table and starts playing air guitar, dropping to his knees, sticking his tongue out and sh_t... I stood up and walked out. (Source)

This Delivery Person Thought They Were A Genius Hiding This Package new by Briana Saunders This Delivery Person Thought They Were A Genius Hiding This Package Read More
Stove Top Stuffing Has A Pair A Pants Made For Stuffing Yourself At The Holidays new by Hugh Solari Stove Top Stuffing Has A Pair A Pants Made For Stuffing Yourself At The Holidays Read More
With Prices Like These, Who Needs Sales Anymore? new by Briana Saunders With Prices Like These, Who Needs Sales Anymore? Read More

Latest Articles

A Town In Arkansas Is Dropping Turkeys From Planes! A Town In Arkansas Is Dropping Turkeys From Planes!
This DIY Car Repair Didn't Turn Out Quite Like This Person Planned... This DIY Car Repair Didn't Turn Out Quite Like This Person Planned...

Brainjet is devoted to providing you with all of the craziest, most eye-opening, and overall most interesting information out there.

This Is Why You Can't Listen To EVERYTHING Somebody Says Random Jet