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Threatening The Doctor?
Threatening The Doctor?

"I had a surgery to drain my knee after a blood infection for which they also put a drain in. They had to lift my leg to get me back into my bed after getting out of the wheelchair, it freaking hurt.

The nurse said: 'I'm just going to lift your leg, let me know if it hurts.' My wife says I replied with, 'If it hurts, you'll know because I'll kick you in the head.'

She moved my leg, placed it down and asked, 'How was that?' to which I apparently replied in a very groggy manner, 'I wish I'd kicked you in the freaking head.' I remember none of this but the nurse apparently saw the humor in it and couldn't stop laughing. Wife enjoyed it too. What a horrible 18 months it's been."

Alien Abduction At The Hospital?
Alien Abduction At The Hospital?

"This was a good 10 or so years ago.

We had to do an urgent brain CT for a post-op patient. He was coming out of it as he was being taken over to our department. We transfer him from his bed onto the CT scanner. As we are moving him across and loading him into the scanner, he believed we were aliens abducting him and he kept calling for his wife. When he accepted his fate of being taken away into the spaceship (when his head was in the donut/gantry), he kept yelling that he loved his wife and he started saying his farewell to her. This guy was mega distressed, just like you see in the movies when someone has no clue as to what is going on. Luckily the scan took a good 4 seconds and out he went. When we were taking him off, he was demanding we let him go back to earth.

He had a follow-up scan 3 days later and he was completely normal. When we asked him if he remembered anything from 3 days prior he said he did not.

Another funny story was a guy believed that he was at the train station waiting for a train.

Gosh, I miss working in that field."

The Hash Browns Announcement
The Hash Browns Announcement

"When I got my tonsils removed, I woke up from my anesthesia in the general post-op area.

It took me a while to wake up but when I did, for some reason, I just started yelling: 'I AM ALIVE! I AM ALIVE!!!!! AND WANT HASH BROWNS!' And not stopping.

I had to get out into a private room because other patients and families were getting worried about a patient yelling, 'I AM ALIVE, I AM ALIVE ALIVE ALIVE!' With bits of 'who has hash browns?' I eventually started pronouncing 'hash browns' into 'HASH-A-BRA-OUNS!' The nurses were trying to keep me from yelling because I just got my tonsils removed and said I would be in a lot more pain if I did not stop yelling. This made me yell more. They were both concerned but also laughing so hard they had to leave the room (from what my boyfriend told me). I was in so much pain when the anesthesia wore off.

When I got appendicitis, they gave me Dilaudid because it felt like someone was trying to burn a sharp bulb out of my lower stomach.

I remember going from screaming/crying from the pain to telling my boyfriend: ' feel like I am being hugged by a cloud,' which is what I thought I said but in reality, he said I just murmured, 'cloud...hugs.' He did a WTF face and then said I starting swaying side to side with my arms crossed saying 'cloud hugs' and humming."

Worried About The Doctor's Shoes...
Worried About The Doctor's Shoes...

"We had the same family doctor for over 45 years. He actually delivered me, some sixty-odd years ago.

When I was a middle-aged man myself, during my very last checkup before he was to retire, he invited me into his private office, where he took half an hour to reminisce and laugh with me about a bunch of family stuff. He informed me that I had actually been one of his very first solo deliveries as a young attending and that he had been a little nervous on my mom's behalf.

He reminded me that by all indications, I has promised to be a rather tricky delivery: I was a week overdue, I was her first pregnancy, I was a pretty large baby (9.5 lbs), that Mom was a very tiny woman, and that she had already been in labour with me for more than 24 hours. He told me he had been about to suggest to Mom that a Caesarian might be in order when I suddenly decided it was time to bust a move.

Mom had had a funny reaction to her epidural, and between that and sheer exhaustion from her lengthy labor, the doctor could tell that she was fading in and out of lucidity during my actual delivery, which took a while even after I had become motivated. And in addition to all the other complications, early in the process, the doctor had also needed to digitally coax me into the perfect position to make my grand entrance.

Lucid or not, Mom certainly remembered that part of the procedure.

Because according to the doctor, just after he'd cut my cord, and before she had fully come round again, my dishcloth-limp, sweat-drenched, exhausted mother - normally a very gentle, unaggressive and soft-spoken woman - had suddenly grabbed him by his upper arm with a grip of steel, heaved herself halfway off the table, locked eyes with him from about six inches away, and yelled, 'DID YOU AT LEAST TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF BEFORE YOU WALKED IN?' Then her eyes had rolled back in their sockets, and she'd flopped back onto the delivery table, out like a light for the next ten minutes.

The doctor chuckled that the mat nurse had had to leave the delivery room for a bit at that point because she'd peed herself a little - so he ended up washing me off and wrapping me up in a receiving blanket himself.

To the end of her days, Mom's steadfast claim was that she has absolutely no recollection of ever saying anything like that to him, and was horrified by the possibility that she had. Nonetheless, the doctor told me that this was that incident that had made Mom - and me - two of his very favorite patients."

She Was Really Mad At Her Boyfriend!
She Was Really Mad At Her Boyfriend!

"My sister in law had surgery and was whacked out for hours. Her mom and sister were there when she got up and then her boyfriend came a bit later.

When I came by after work, she wanted me to sit with her.

Her head was rolling around, eyes almost closed, her mouth sounded like it was full of cotton. She kept muttering things, barely intelligible.

Then she sharpened up for a moment, looked me in the eye, and clear as day she says: 'My boyfriend was off all day, but he was still late. He's such a self-centered jerk!'

He was right there. He laughed it off. She jolted like she was surprised he was there, then just glowered at him. She wouldn't talk to him for the next half hour or so.

They...uhh...didn't last long after that."

She Told Her It Wasn't Something To Laugh At!
She Told Her It Wasn't Something To Laugh At!

"I was once admitted for a minor procedure.

The person next to me in the recovery room was an old man. He had a lot of health issues due to advanced diabetes and some blood infection. He had his foot amputated a week ago and the doctors were doing some other treatments, so he was in and out of procedures.

This particular day, I was watching TV (muted, of course) when he was wheeled in. A nurse was sitting by his bed, monitoring his vitals. As he was coming to, he started yelling: 'Joshua! Joshua, get your sister!' He was yelling in a loud and weird voice so I started giggling.

The nurse looked at me firmly and said: 'It is not funny.' I was a little embarrassed. Later she explained. He had 2 kids - a son and a daughter. The daughter died in some accident many years ago. His son is alive and in the same city. The nurse said that the son never came to see him once through all his stay. Apparently, every time he was coming off anesthesia or whenever he was mildly sedated, he said something to that effect always involving his 2 kids.

I left the next day. I never talked to the old man. I don't know what happened in this man's past, what sort of father he was, but that night I forgot my discomfort as I was so overwhelmed by the perceived pain of this man that he remembers his kids even though they are not around him."

She Just Wanted Her Chick-Fil-A!
She Just Wanted Her Chick-Fil-A!

"I thought I woke up, still in the scan room with the doctors, and my parents staring at me with huge grins on their faces. After they went over how I didn't have a tumor on my pituitary and that I was just a fast grower (seven years old and already 4'6), I remember them walking me to the lobby. My parents said they were never in there, and their first sight of me was in a wheelchair, drooling and on the verge of dozing back off (again), so I assume that's what it actually was.

The next thing I should take note of is me finally piping back up soon after leaving the hospital - I asked if I could do it again and told them about how 'fun' it was. No to that, obviously. They asked what I wanted to eat because I wouldn't quit otherwise. I said 'thick-fil-a' ('Chick-fil-a', they didn't have any idea what I was talking about at first) and kept mumbling that, '12-count' and 'thicken nuggets' the whole way there. I nearly sent the lady on the intercom into a flying rage because she thought I was pranking her (she kept telling me they didn't have 'thicken nuggets' until she just decided to get the (much nicer and smarter) manager, and I kept dozing off while trying to order, irritating her even more), then went into a giggling fit and almost bit off my fingers once I got my precious nuggets. FML.

Then I continued dozing after I was done eating. I passed out once I finally got home - Typical anesthetics."

Three Trips For The Wisdom Teeth...
Three Trips For The Wisdom Teeth...

"Getting teeth pulled freaks me out, so I went 3 separate times to get wisdom teeth pulled. Twilight sleep is the best!

The first time, I had to take something a half hour before the appointment and on the way to the dentist I was amazed that the highway got split into 8 lanes. Once there, I was very impressed with the (totally normal, plastic) garbage cans and told everyone I saw how great they were, and then proceeded to remind them which tooth it was. After a long nap, my husband decided to let me go on Facebook and I thought I was saying, 'I'm home and alright' when in a reality, it was more of a jumbled mess of words. When the medication wore off, I got to read all the comments.

Second tooth different dentist. I had one of those pulse monitors on my finger and I was pretending it was a duck. Then I freaked out because of robots. I also tried to help them take my tooth out, they had to get a new tray of stuff and tied my hands and wrapped my arms up so I couldn't grab the instruments anymore. When we were leaving I wanted a cheeseburger (1 tooth out at a time, I could eat pretty much right away) and I was yelling over my husband at the drive-thru that 'there BETTER be pickles on there!' Got the burger, there were pickles, all was good. I had made him promise not to let me on the computer this time.

On the last one, I apparently was a brat to everyone and super sarcastic. My husband recorded this time. I took over the phone and recorded me ranting about everything I saw. I said things like: 'That's a stupid place to put a hotel! Ok, the guy in the blue truck, screw you!' and other stuff, and showing my teeth bits in a cup because apparently, I asked for them, then a half hour of the blanket because I fell asleep in the car."

Talking About Michael Jackson?
Talking About Michael Jackson?

"My first time under was getting my wisdom teeth out. It was in a campus dentist office, and my parents lived 4 hours away, so they didn't really know their way around. But luckily, my dad drove down to help me with the surgery.

I REALLY was not amused that the nurse kept waking me up when I just wanted to keep sleeping. She said 'I wonder what's taking your dad so long' (when he want to get the car from the ramp), and I blurted: 'WHO KNOWS, IT'S A BIG CAMPUS, LADY.'

Also, it was around the time Michael Jackson died, and to be clear, I am a HUGE MJ fan. I didn't know how I'd react to the anesthetic, but turns out I'm pretty cool with how rested you feel, so I also said: 'Man, no wonder Michael Jackson got addicted to this stuff, this is awesome.'

Finally, the same nurse kept telling me to hold my dad's arm while walking out, but I was so fed up with her at that point (poor lady just trying to do her job, but I was tired and wanted to keep napping lol) so I literally started running down the hallway, probably bobbing and weaving all over like a wasted guy, arms DEFINITELY flailing."

Obsession With Rod Stewart?
Obsession With Rod Stewart?

"I was healing up a few days after having my wisdom teeth removed, completely sober when my fiancé at the time pointed at the TV and said: 'THAT'S Rod Stewart.'

It confused me because it was so random, I said: 'Umm, I know who Rod Stewart is, John.'

And he says: 'Well, you didn't the other day.'

Apparently, while still loopy from being sedated, on the way back from the oral surgeon, I asked him if he had heard about Rod Stewart dying from being shot. I also claimed that Rod Stewart was the lead singer of some band named Audio Slave. I had no memory of this and thought it was hilarious.

Come to find out, Audio Slave is an actual band, though I thought I had never heard of them. Obviously, my subconscious had at some point cause I don't know why my brain would pick that as a made-up band name.

I also don't know why Rod Stewart came to mind because I know very little about him. I know what he looks like and that he is a singer, but that's pretty much it.

It's crazy the stuff your brain randomly chooses to regurgitate under those circumstances."

Don't Pull Out The IV!
Don't Pull Out The IV!

"When my dad was in the ICU, he was actively trying to remove everything that they had stuck into him.

He ended up pulling his foley catheter out with his toes. They had to restrain him, but he managed to convince me that he just needed one hand free for a little bit.

So, being a sucker (and a sympathetic daughter), I told him: 'Ok I'll free your hand if you promise not to pull your IV out. Do you know why you have an IV?' He said, 'It's because I need medicine to get better. I won't pull it out.' I freed his hand, and he relaxed for a few minutes, relieved to be in control of something. We talked a little, then he started getting agitated again and reached straight for the PICC line that was in his other arm. Needless to say, he got restrained again.

Unfortunately, he passed away in the hospital, but it wasn't because of that."

Feeling Like A Zombie?
Feeling Like A Zombie?

"I am not 100% certain of what I was given by a dentist to have 2 teeth pulled when I needed braces, but I was young and scared so he essentially knocked me out. I remember he mixed something into a Capri sun juice and had me drink it. Whatever it was, it was flavorless as I only tasted the juice itself. I was 'out' in like 10 seconds, dad says I wasn't actually asleep, just zombie-like. Before anyone gets worried, my dad was in the room the whole time to supervise, the dentist insisted (although dad would have stayed anyway to be safe) way ahead of time on parental supervision of procedures where kids are knocked out.

Well, either he gave me too large a dosage or I had a bad reaction. It was supposed to wear off completely within an hour and I would remain zombie-like until that hour was up. My dad left to run some errands, mom was at work, and I was home with my elderly grandmother. I woke up! I couldn't walk without tripping and falling, my legs were like jelly, but I really really wanted to walk, like desperately. Grandma could not physically restrain me as I started screaming, crying, and flailing insisting I could walk and that I really wanted to and why wouldn't she let me. Began trying to run around... Did you ever try to get out of bed only to realize both your legs are asleep, and immediately they give out? Or when your arm goes so numb you swear it's doing the Harry Potter pre-skelligro act? Yeah. And I was trying to run. Grandma was terrified I would seriously injure myself, somehow I didn't. Dad finally came back and had to forcibly pick me up and pin me down. I finally fell asleep, woke up hours later babbling nonsense to my mother who was finally home from work, finally she told me to shut up and go to sleep because I was annoying her, to be fair I babbled nonsense for like 2 hours straight. I woke up again 16 hours later. My first words to my mother were: 'I had the weirdest dream...' and proceeded to list most of what happened, literally remembered it in the weird half-remembered way of a dream. Weirdest thing ever."

Comparing His Sister To A Lizard?
Comparing His Sister To A Lizard?

"This story happened 10 years ago.

I was in a bike accident (freaking skateboarder decided to bail on a hill, launched his board into my spokes, landed on my face and left arm, going 25-30 mph), and broke my arm and got a severe concussion.

They did the standard rundown of questions to try and get a sense of the extent of the damage, but asking: 'What country are we in?' felt unfair. I lived in Mexico at the time, but I'm from the US and this happened on vacation to the US, plus the doctor asking the questions was Latino. I was doing understandably poorly until they got to 'Who is the President?' I still wasn't totally sure which country I was in, so apparently, I decided to hedge my bets and say: 'An idiot.'

Later, my 3-year-old sister came in (her name is Lizzie), and they asked me, 'Alright, what's your sister's name?' I replied, 'Umm...it's like those things that are like snakes with legs? (pause) I got it! Lizard! I then glanced over at my sister and said, 'Oh wait, when did you get here, Lizzie?'"

Questions About 'Antique Roadshow'
Questions About 'Antique Roadshow'

"I sprained my knee a few weeks back. I ignored it because my knees have always been horrible and I thought it was just a particularly bad 24 hours, but once it swelled to twice the size, causing the kneecap to press down a nerve and create the weirdest, most awful feeling spasms, I rushed to the ER. I took a muscle relaxer, but I don't even think it was just that, I think my anxiety from the pain shot through the roof and I dissociated--a side effect of anxiety where your brain is like, 'Holy crap, I can't handle this anymore,' and basically detaches you from reality to a certain extent and dumps feel-good neurotransmitters into your blood--so that plus the muscle relaxer placed me in something similar to an opiate high.

The doctors and nurses kept asking me, 'WHAT DID YOU TAKE?' because it seemed like I was screwed up on something like oxy and I'd just slur-mumble, 'Whaaaa? I told you, a Skelaxin, stop.'

After my x-rays, I just lay in bed, watching 'Antique Roadshow' and proceeded to tell the nurse every thought that popped into my head about the items on the screen. 'Is that 18th century? Probably 18th century, yeah, Georgian. Or Rococo. Right? I don't really know the difference. One's French, one's British. Okay, I do know the difference, I guess, but not really. It's so charming, it's so charming, what does it cost, tell me.'

She was just like, 'Okay, honey. Okay.'"

She Just Realized He Was There...
She Just Realized He Was There...

"When my wife came out of surgery she was all excited to see me. I stood by her bedside, talking and letting her know everything was fine. We joked around a little.

Then...

Wife: 'Oh hey! You're here!'

Me: 'We've been talking for like ten minutes...?'

Wife: 'WE HAVE!?'

Me: 'I THOUGHT SO?'

She almost peed herself laughing.

Anesthesia is weird!"

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