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Unknown Horrors.

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Unknown Horrors.

"This is embarrassing due to my stupidity. One summer I decided to completely shave my head before starting an outdoor construction job. This being the first time I had ever shaved my head, my scalp was totally white. I didn't bother putting on sunscreen and after working a whole day in 95+ degree sun my scalp was horribly burned and painful to the touch. I didn't think it was that big of a deal until the next day when I woke up and the top of my head was completely swollen (picture Squid ward). I went to the hospital and wasn't able to work for a week. My boss thought I was full of it until he saw the pictures of my head. The weirdest part was over the course of a week the fluid that built up under my scalp slowly made its way down my face. Every day I woke up I looked like a different monster" (Source).

Déjà Vu.

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Déjà Vu.

"I fell on my head while doing yoga, and concussed myself. Then, a month or two later, while showing friends how it happened, I fell again and had to go back to the emergency room. The nurse remembered me. For those who are curious, it was a back bend! Coming up both times, I just lost it. I'm pretty much a human noodle, all flexibility, no endurance" (Source).

Don't Even Want To Know How.

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Don't Even Want To Know How.

"When I was 12, I accidentally sat on one of my little friends and lodged it up in my body. Turns out my junk got twisted up and had to have surgery to put them back in place, lied to all of my friends about what happened when I got back to school" (Source).

The Urban Legend.

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The Urban Legend.

"You know how when you were in grade school, your teacher would tell you to keep all four chair legs on the floor and not tilt back because some idiot kid fell over and cracked their head like 15 years ago? I'm the idiot kid that fell over in the chair. Had to go to the ER and get stitches in my head. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, except I managed to do it on 2 separate occasions. I ran into my first grade teacher awhile back, she confirmed that she's still telling my story to her students. It's been 21 years. I like to think of myself as an urban legend to 7-year-olds in my hometown. It's the closest to famous I'll ever be" (Source).

Why, Just Why?

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Why, Just Why?

"I stuck a mechanical pencil eraser in my ear when I was 9, and didn't have it removed until I was 19. Now 9 is young, but still too old to be putting stuff in your ears. I tried for a while to pull it out with tweezers and whatnot, but eventually I just came to accept it as a part of life. That eraser was lodged, and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about it for the first 6 years. When I was 16, I decided it was a semi-decent conversation starter (I was no good at starting conversations), so I kept it. I could not see it in the mirror. Once I started telling people about it, they didn't believe me. I would stick sharp objects (not recommended) in it to prove that it existed. Could not feel with my finger. And strangely my hearing was fine. I never failed the faint beeping tests that they would give us in school every 2-3 years. Then one day, it randomly slipped lower into my ear canal and I could feel it pushing on my ear drum whenever I bit down. This caused me serious alarm. I went to urgent care, paid my 20 bucks, and was seen by a doctor. The doctor thought I was joking and that there was no way that it would still be in there 9 years later. (Source).

Saturday Night Uh-Oh.

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Saturday Night Uh-Oh.

"Woke up after a night of drinking with a tingly sensation in my left arm. I thought I just slept on it funny so I told my girlfriend and she starting wondering if I was having a heart attack. She got me all paranoid and it wasn't going away so off to the emergency room I go. Turns out I had something called 'Saturday Night Palsy.' Basically my girlfriend slept all snuggled up on my shoulder and cut off all the circulation to my left arm. I was too intoxicated to notice and wake up so I probably slept like that for 8 hours. It took about 3 days for the feeling to fully return to my arm. Every time my girl tries to sleep like that I tell her to stop or she'll give me the palsy again" (Source).

Skull-less.

Shutterstock/Littlekidmoment

Skull-less.

"When I was about 8, I was crouching under a small tree and stood up and a branch hit my head when it was sticking down. I thought, for some reason, I had no skull and that it stabbed me through my brain, and I assumed I was dying. I had a syncope episode and I passed out. I was taken to the ER, and they found the branch had just lightly scratched my head" (Source).

Making A Lasting Impression.

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Making A Lasting Impression.

"I went to a fraternity formal as my friend's date at a really nice restaurant and I choked on a piece of prime rib. Couldn't talk or breathe kind of choke. In the midst of chaos and people yelling and trying to remember how to do the Heimlich, the prime rib slid down my throat, opening up the airway but still blocking my entire esophagus. I had tried drinking water which only pooled up on top of the giant piece of meat in my throat. I proceeded to throw up all the water on my plate. For the next 16 hours nothing could stay down because I would swallow, it would hit the blockage, and then come right back up. Finally I went to the ER because I was getting super dehydrated. After numerous attempts to try and dissolve the meat in my throat with nasty tasting alka seltzer type stuff, they had to put me under to do an endoscopy and scoop it out. I barely knew anyone at that formal but I made a lasting impression. To this day people will tell me to take small bites and chew my steak" (Source).

PSA.

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PSA.

"One day I drank 5 liters of Coca-Cola in 2 or 3 hours, while playing videogame. Oh god the pain. I cannot describe the pain. But it hurt. So much. Why? Acid is the answer. I got a big ulcer. It. Hurt. Spent the night at the hospital. Don't do this. Don't ever do this" (Source).

Abs Of Jelly.

Shutterstock/Amazingmikael

Abs Of Jelly.

"Two years ago, my girlfriend got an exercise ball for Christmas. After New Year's, we got home and one evening I tested the exercise ball. Well, it's a fun, squishy thing that proved me that my core really needs some workout. Well, the next day, I got tremendous chest pain. I thought I was going to die, it hurt really bad and I couldn't find anything that could help it. I was barely able to breathe, as the slightest change of displacement in my lungs hurt like a mofo. I called ER and told the symptoms, and they told me to come there. It was a Saturday evening, about 7 PM. My girlfriend got behind the wheel and we left to the hospital. After driving for a minute or so, the pain ended as suddenly as it had started. I was a bit confused, but decided to go and get it checked anyway. So, after spending about five hours waiting, I got checked. They found nothing. I got home, a bit worried. Well, on Sunday morning, I decided to try out the exercise ball again, you know, to get my abs going. Right after doing the ab stuff, I got similar chest pain, although it wasn't as painful. I decided to stretch it away, and lo and behold, it worked. My core had such weak muscles that the slightest exercise caused them to lock up and cause me that pain. Nowadays, my core is in a lot better shape, and whenever I get similar pain, I know how to handle it" (Source).

Uh, ew?

Shutterstock/Natalya Chumak

Uh, ew?

"While eight months pregnant, I went down on my significant other. I ended up gagging and throwing up on his private parts. At this moment, lots and lots of liquids began shooting from my privates. I ran to the bathroom, leaving a giant mess behind me on the bed, down the hall, and all over the tile floor. I was absolutely convinced that my water had broken early. After the two of us got tidied up, we went to the hospital's birthing center. While doing intake, a middle-aged nurse asked what I had been doing when I thought my water had broke. 'Choking.' 'On what?' 'His ya know, private parts.' 'And I assume this gentleman was there to witness this event?' she asked, trying so hard not to laugh. Later it was explained to me that I had discharged" (Source).

Big Bite.

Shutterstock/1stGallery

Big Bite.

"I was bitten by a dog. On the nose. It was a Chihuahua. I am 6'4" tall. The doctor giggled when I said exactly what had happened" (Source).

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"How I Saved My Father's Life With My Third Member"

"It was 12 years ago and hormones were running rampant through my 13 year old self after school one Monday. Now, god only knows what I was thinking but I wondered how would pleasuring myself feel with something else up there? So I wind up sticking a car adapter for my cd player in there, the wire was long enough to get a good way in and there was no way it could go all the way in and stuck in my body. It was a little uncomfortable getting it in there but it wasn't to bad and the finish was pretty decent. Then came time to pull it out, I pull on it a little bit and then all of a sudden it's not sliding out. I pull a little harder when I feel a slight pain. I fiddle with it for 5 more minutes when I realized I need to pee. I try to go and only blood comes out. At this point I start to freak out and realize 'I'm going to need to go to the hospital, which means I'm going to have to tell my dad'. He asked to see it, tugged on it a little and said 'ok let's go to the ER.' He didn't even ask, god only knows what was running through his head. I finally get to see the doctor around 11 after waiting 4 hours I get a room, they take an x-ray, and then have to call in a urologist to remove it. It took an hour for him to get there, in the meantime I got to overhear the nurses' responses outside my room about my x-ray. When I stuck it in initially I folded it in half so there were two wires going in. I stuck it in deep enough so that it was in my bladder and it folded on half again inside of me making four wires trying to get out, my urethra wasn't that big. Thankfully it had been pulled out enough so that the first fold was close enough to the tip of my member. The urologist finally arrived and decided he wasn't going to put me under to remove it, just a local anesthetic so I'd remember it. He made an incision at the tip and pulled it out. My father who had been in the room the entire time and has seen his share of crazy stuff lost it at this point and had to run to the bathroom to vomit. It's about 2:30 a.m. by the time we get home and my dad calls into his work to tell them that I was very ill and needed to stay home to take care of me so he wouldn't be able to make his presentation at the Pentagon. I woke up the next day around 9:30 and found my dad ironing watching the news and all he says to me is the world is blowing up. I look at the TV to see the twin towers on fire and then shortly after fall down. And that is how I saved my fathers life with my member" (Source).

Not So Smooth Operator.

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Not So Smooth Operator.

"I'm a female, 27-years-old. I had a perianal abscess the size of a small apple that had to be surgically drained. The doctor was HOT asked me if I inserted things into my butt, because internal tears are one cause of the cyst. I was embarrassed but still trying to be charming and funny and I said 'Well no I never have, but I'm open to experimentation,' winky winky. Thought I'd get a laugh because he was young and good looking. Also thought he could handle it since his first words to me were 'so I hear you're a huge pain in the rear.' Instead he just awkwardly backed away. I had nurses, personal support workers and doctors ask me for 2 straight days if I inserted things in my rear. By the end I was like 'JUST LOOK AT THE CHART! I'VE ANSWERED THIS ALREADY!' (Source).

A Painful Awakening.

Shutterstock/VGstockstudio

A Painful Awakening.

"Broke my wrist in my sleep. I had one of those beds about 4 feet off the ground with a bookshelf underneath. Because of this the bed was pushed against a wall and the other side had a guard rail. The guard rail was 2 pieces of wood running parallel along the side of the bed with about 2 inches of clearance in between each piece. In my sleep I was laying on my stomach and I guess I slid my arm in between the wood. As I tried to roll over, my arm normally would have just gone underneath my body, but I couldn't pull my arm. In my sleep I just kept rolling and snapped my wrist on my bed. I woke up screaming in pain and had to be taken to the hospital where they found out I broke my wrist. I was about 8 or 9." (Source).

Too Late To Change Your Mind

Shutterstock/NadyaEugene

Too Late To Change Your Mind

"My older sister was trying to convince me to jump in a pool with her. I was scared of swimming and it was the deep end. I ended up jumping in, changing my mind halfway through and turning around. I split my chin open REALLY badly on the concrete and had to go to the emergency room for stitches. My sisters never let me forget that incident unfortunately. On the bright side I'm a pretty good swimmer now." (Source).

A Tale For The Ages.

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A Tale For The Ages.

"When I was a wee boy and I was living with a foster family, I was getting 'urges.' I had been looking for new ways to pleasure myself but let's be honest here fellas, I wanted something in my rear. For some unholy reason, I had told the girl who was my age about this and she told her mother. Her mother then went out and bought me a small blue bullet (with a tiny rope to make sure you could pull it out) and a big pink behemoth that spun around like the devil and had spikes. Now one night, when it was quiet and I was alone, I thought 'This is it.' I went to just ram the big spinning devil up my rear but it was a fair size and my butt wouldn't take it. Instead I thought 'Let's work up to it with this little bullet.' So I popped the bullet in, wrapped the rope around my finger, and started working it. It was vibrating away and felt quite good. However something went awry. The bullet slipped away and the little rope broke. Now I've got this blue bullet in my rear and I can't seem to get it out. I tried everything to get this thing out. I tried squatting and trying to poop it out, I tried deep breathing and relaxation. After 2 hours of having this thing stuck up there I started to panic. I started getting dressed to go talk to my foster parents. After getting my boxer-briefs on I went to pull up my jeans and the bullet tipped and landed directly against my prostate. Undies are utterly soaked in one of the biggest loads. Now I'm moaning like a wildebeest. I'm not a loud guy but holy wow, the noises I made. Foster mother hears me and knocks on the door, asking if everything is alright. I straighten up too quickly and I get "Yeah, every..." out before I get dizzy and fall back onto the floor. She opens the door to get an image of me laying on my back, private parts everywhere, fabric that is soaked with countless potential children, most of which are now running down my legs and making strange patterns as they creep around my leg hair. She ends up getting me in a bathrobe, giving me a fresh pair of boxer-briefs that were quite difficult to put on and we leave. I'm wiping my legs off with a paper towel in the car, she's trying to keep a straight face but I can tell the only thing going through her head is 'What happened.' We go into the ER and she signs the paper work and talks to the triage nurses. I get pushed over to a corner in a wheelchair, this thing STILL going and causing some strong aftershocks. Hopefully, and I do hope, that everyone thought that I was just mentally defunct which I must have looked like. We get brought back to an Exam Room after an hour (still going but its now been pushed away some how and it's vibrating and I can feel it but it's not doing much for me anymore so some of my mental facilities are coming online). The doc comes in and starts laughing, I start laughing because I have no idea what the to do at this point. After about 2 hours they popped this bad boy out. I can still hear the noise as it landed in the tray and rattled against the tin. The nurse looked at it and all I said was 'Twist the base to turn it off'" (Source).

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