"I was in a lesson with a really disruptive student who no one really likes. My teacher usually stays calm, but I think he was having a bad day.
Boy: (Bragging slightly) 'I'm seeing my girlfriend tonight!'
Teacher: 'Lewis, we don't want to hear about what you do with your hand.'
The whole class went insane! What made this great was that he said this so dismissively and ignored the uproar. The boy went quiet for a bit, but then started talking about Pewdiepie."
"One student who sits in front of me constantly interrupts to point out some random behavior of the teacher Mr. G, who is kind of an awkward guy. Mr. G always walks back and forth --- left to right --- while giving his lecture. He walks near the left wall at the front of the room right where that student sits and stops for a bit to point at the white board. While the teacher is right in front of him, the student decides to shout out,
'Hey Mr. G! Do you notice that you always walk back and forth between the walls of the room?'
'Yeah, it's a teaching technique where you position yourself closer to the student that struggles the most.'"
"Sophomore year of high school there was a kid who was known to annoy teachers. Not very disruptive but just annoying. He was on the heavier side as well.
My rather old chemistry teacher that year loved telling us about how the science in CSI is very rushed and unrealistic, which lead him to talk about chloroform, and how in movies putting it on a rag makes the person unconscious instantly. He said that actually you'd have to be inhaling it for at least a few minutes before anything would happen and that depends on factors such how concentrated the chloroform, what's your body mass etc.
Then turns to the annoying kid and goes, 'In the case of Adrian, the chloroform would probably take hours or even days before it had any effect,' and the entire class absolutely lost their minds laughing. It was particularly funny because the teacher was an old PhD who worked in the field and while he was a great teacher, he was never particularly funny or anything of the sort."
"Today I witnessed the sickest burn by a teacher I've ever seen.
My psychology professor is pretty relaxed, she's about 60 years old, but always tells hilarious stories and swears/talks about sex freely.
But she is also one who likes her students to stay seated and focused through the entire lecture. No cell phones, and minimal talking. She's a balance of fun and strict.
Well, as usual, people start putting their notes back in their backpack at 4:03, instead of waiting until 4:05. She snapped, and looked at one guy packing up and goes:
'Why are you packing up? Are you just one of those guys that finishes early?'
The entire class just explodes with laughter, and the guy waved it off, he took it like a champ."
"Little backstory of the teacher, Mr. H. is my AP US history teacher. Guy is smart as a whip, and hits just as fast. If you say something dumb, he'll pick up on it, convert it into an insult that connects to the topic on hand, and retort. Then he'll apologize and do it again. We were talking about slave rebellions in the South, and he gives some examples.
Mr. H: 'So imagine you are a group of slaves trying to revolt against me. I don't really like the odds. I'd take down one or two of you looks at a particularly annoying kid but I'd still lose. And you know why? Just like the slaves... you guys are two faced. Abby, you're two-faced.'
Mr. H: 'Abby do you know what I mean by that?'
Mr. H: 'Well your friends do.'
(Class loses its s--t)
Mr. H: 'Abby, Abby, you know I'm kidding. Your friends would never say that... to your face.'
(Class loses it again)
Mr. H: 'Now you guy know I'm joking. But if you ever do leave this class offended, just know that I consider it a job well done.'
(Class laughs, then quiets down as that one annoying kid doesn't)
Kid: 'OOOOOH ROASTED'
Mr. H: 'Okay shut up Josh.'"
"This is going right back to my high school days, and was a lesson I never forgot.
English class: we had to submit some creative writing. A couple of days later, the teacher asks a few students to go to the front and read out some of their work. He asks one particular student to read out a poem he had written. It was a pretty good poem, we were all impressed with his efforts. The teacher congratulated him on his poem and his recital. We could all see him looking very pleased with himself; swelling with pride and an expectation of an 'A' grade.
The teacher again complimented the student on his reciting and asked him to read another poem out. He gave him a book of poetry and asked him to read the poem from such-and-such a page.
The boy was loving all this attention and proudly, and perhaps a bit arrogantly, flipped to the requested page and started reading out the requested poem....which, you've doubtless guessed, was the exact same poem he had submitted as his own.
The loud proud voice got him halfway through the first line before realization sunk in and started faltering. He started on the second line then stopped, staring meekly and red-faced at the teacher. The teacher just stared back for several seconds before saying one word very quietly: 'Continue.'
With each line the student became more red-faced, his voice more faltering and hesitant. At the end of the poem the teacher took the book off him and told him he could return to his seat. He did so very meekly.
The teacher didn't say anything more about this. He didn't need to . We all got the message loud and clear."
"My sophomore year of high school, my history teacher completely roasted a classmate on my behalf.
To put it in context, I spent high school bored. I was on occasion challenged, but not often. I spent a lot of classes reading a novel or history text because otherwise I'd be bored. I still did all my homework or in-class assignments, but they never took me long and resultantly I would be right back to reading.
So, one day in my US History class I was already finished with my assignment and back to whatever novel I was working on then (I think it was a Tom Clancy novel). My classmate, a girl known for causing problems, was flustered at our assignment and yells to the class it wasn't fair she was still working while I read.
What my teacher said next not only shut her up, but left in indelible mark on me to do my best in all endeavors.
He said, 'He's done and reading what he wants because while you play slapa-- every day, he does the assigned readings and more. While you and your friends try and figure out how to cheat as a group, he just learns the material. When I ask questions, while you stare at your phone he answers. And in ten years if he isn't a millionaire and out of this town I'll be surprised.'
After that, my class was so quiet you could have heard a pen drop. I myself honestly felt embarrassed as I usually am not one to fight over stupid things. But my teacher was proud of me and wasn't going to let her attack me without a response."
"Yes. In an English class, senior year, there was a student who was very bright and creative, but who could also be a bit goofy and irresponsible.
He was supposed to present a written report about something we read. He wasn't prepared and fumbled through his backpack for a long time, holding up the class and delaying his report while he searched for it. As he fumbled, he muttered, 'I knoooow it's in heeeere somewheere, juust a seconnnnd.'
The teacher said loudly, in an annoyed tone, 'And I'm sure you're still going to be saying that on your wedding night.'"
"This roast took place in my 6th grade world history class. My teacher was Mr. S and he was an extremely tall Caucasian man with a goatee and bald head. He turned out to be one of the best teachers I've ever had, and had thick skin when it came to our class roasting sessions.
Yeah, not so much so for his opponent at the time.
His opponent, poor thing, thought he had a chance. He was smallish, had these long dreads that weren't well kept and just annoying.
Both of them were going at and the kid said something along the lines of, 'That's why you so ugly, I mean look at your bald headed a--.'
Our class of 20 or so looked to Mr. S but, in my mind I was all Mortal Kombat.
'Come on Mr. S, finish him.'
An Mr. S said, 'I'd rather be bald then have that excuse for hair, look at it! I wouldn't even touch it with the possible unknown species living in there that scientists haven't yet discovered.'"
"This always stuck with me because of how funny it was. We are all getting to our seats in class and our English teacher is finishing a card game with our History teacher. One student looked at them and said, 'You guys playing cards?' They clearly were so our English teacher looks right at him and says, 'No, we're writing the next great American novel. OF COURSE WE'RE PLAYING CARDS!'
For the rest of the year he would say to that student, 'You guys playing cards?' and we all would have a laugh."
"My best friend was in a relationship with this girl for just two weeks. They both weren't really happy. I would say it was more like a 'freshman relationship experiment.'
His girlfriend sent an envelope to our Math class via one of her friends. I don't know why but her friend handed in the envelope to the Math teacher when it was supposed to be given to my friend.
It turned out that the letter inside the was a break up letter. My Math teacher opened it and read it real quick. He smiled a little bit and for a moment, we all were wondering what the hell that letter contained. Someone stood up and said, 'What's so funny in that letter?'
My teacher was still smiling. He said loudly but cheerfully, 'Do you really want to know?'
Everyone shouted, 'YES!'
Boom. He started reading the letter.
My friend looked like someone stabbed him from behind and his mouth was wide open.
I must say, my friend's ex-girlfriend is really 'classy' at breaking up, lol. The letter was really classy. Everyone found it really funny and kept laughing incessantly.
My friend was too embarrassed. He was lucky, so the bell rang a minute after the teacher was done reading."
"So this happened in Chemistry, right after a fire drill. We were unaware of the rules and went in the classroom w/o the teacher.
Teacher: 'For future reference, no one is allowed in here before I come in, ok?'
Kid A: 'I waited outside of the classroom.'
Teacher: 'Ohh that's funny, you know why? Because I didn't ask.'
Here's another one:
So we are selling T-shirts for a fundraiser.
Teacher: 'I need to have the order forms in by Friday.'
Kid B:' Umm I don't think any of my friends will buy this...'
Teacher: 'YOU HAVE FRIENDS?!?!?'
class breaks into laughter
Really, my Chemistry teacher is a certified roaster:
Let's refer to the victim as X
It was during roll-call, and there's this one kid that's super annoying. My Chemistry teacher goes: 'Who's absent?' And I say: 'X is not here!'
The teacher goes: 'No he's here today, but that's who we wish wasn't here.'"
"Oooooh yes. This was my freshman year of high school. I had an AP World History class, and the teacher had already proven himself to be someone who said what he wanted, when he wanted.
So there was this student (let's call him J). J was frequently late to class, never had a pencil or notebook, his computer was always dead, he never did his homework, etc.
Three weeks into the class, my high school hosted a college fair, and my teacher made it a point to collect as many college pens that he could. In class the following day, J, in his typical fashion, asked the teacher for a pen. Instead of the normal sigh and generic teacher response like, 'You know you should come to class prepared,' that my teacher normally responds with, he decided to make an example of poor J. So he goes into his box full of college pens and starts digging around. The whole class gradually stops what they're doing to see what's happening. Finally, the teacher finds a pen and walks over to J's desk. Very matter-of-factly, he says, 'I'm giving you a pen from the community college down the road, because that's the only school that will accept your horrible grades.'
The whole class was silent. He then immediately proceeded with class as if nothing had happened. A semester later, J dropped out of my school and transferred to a different one because his grades were so low."
"Oh man. I have two of them that are pretty good. My current English teacher is a complete savage.
One time when we were using the computers to go and do some online curriculum some people were having trouble connecting to the internet. One student said, 'Man, this computer sucks d--k!'
The teacher turned to him, and said in an even and calm tone, 'You shouldn't talk about your hobby like that.'
The other time, a student, wanting to start some long conversation or debate asked the teacher his opinion on homosexuals.
He replied with, 'Ya know, they can live their life. I live my life.'
The student then proceeded to ask, 'What if I told you I was gay?'
The teacher smiled and quipped, 'Then I'd say I knew it all along.'"
"Back in high school, I was taking a Freshman Biology course. We were on the subject of human reproduction, so there were plenty of jokes being passed around by my fellow students.
One day, my biology teacher asks the class, 'Who can tell me why sperm contains fructose?'
There was one kid in my class who also happened to be the valedictorian of our school, so he usually had the right answers to our teacher's questions. However, this one day he just had to say something funny:
'Sperm has fructose so that it tastes better,' he answers with a grin.
The class laughs, and there is a smile on my teacher's face. But then she replies to his 'clever' answer with the most epic comeback in the history of mankind:
'You would know.'
The class erupts. You could hear the 'OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' from miles away. The entire country begins one of those slow-clap things that happens in the movies. The President of the United States flies in to shake her hand. The Nobel Comeback Prize is awarded to my teacher."
"When I was in high school, my oddball senior schedule didn't give me many options so I ended up taking Thanatology, the study of death in literature (I am not making this up). My class was filled with punks and proto-goths. Each class basically consisted of twenty minutes of reading followed by a discussion of what we read in small groups, where the subject would veer wildly off-course within five minutes. 'Twas great fun.
One day, the clique of punks were discussing the inevitable collapse of society and the anarchy that will follow. The head punk was describing in graphic detail how he would get back at all that had done him wrong. He wasn't being subtle about it, either: I could hear him clearly from the other side of the room. I don't know what triggered it, but the teacher had had enough:
'You pathetic little s--t, you wouldn't survive a week if society collapsed. You don't have the guts to kill anyone --- none of you do! Now [my name], he could kill you without batting an eye. He's a true sociopath, unlike you posers. If you're lucky, he might take pity on you and let you die on your own.'
I have no idea why she singled me out as the presumptive Master Blaster of our post-apocalyptic Thanatology class, but it definitely shut down the punk. Not a bit of lip from him for the rest of the term. Meanwhile, I had 'sociopath' added to the list of endearing terms bestowed upon me by the English department."
"I am enrolled in a English 1 class as a freshman. The teacher is very fun and nice, while also making English enjoyable to us. She often cracks jokes at students and gets along well with us. She is one of our favorite teachers.
Well, one day I was in class just chatting. We had finished the finals the class prior so we had nothing to do. A couple friends and I were discussing throwing shade or something related to that subject. The teacher pops in and says, 'I can throw shade too, you know.' Me, being the wise crack I am, decided to throw a jab. I replied, 'Ms. D, I doubt you could throw shade.'
Quickly, without even looking from her computer screen where she was inputting grades, she said, 'William, not only can I throw shade, but I can also throw your scrawny a-- out the window.'
All my friends listening laughed so hard and just congratulated me on getting roasted so hard by a teacher. I shut my mouth and just sat there, in awe of what just happened.
Since then, I haven't thrown much shade since. LOL."
"My business studies teacher is a bit crazy (in a good way) and always has pictures of cute or goofy animals (mostly cats) as her desktop background, which is always visible to us as it is on the big projector.
One day, the picture was of a goofy llama. The guy who sits next to me started laughing at it and said, 'It looks like [other student].' And the teacher swiftly replied, 'It's your mum!'
The rest of the class went wild with laughter. Afterwards, she said, 'I'm sorry, but I'm sick of you talking all the time. Hopefully that's taught you a lesson.'"
"This recently happened to me. My English teacher usually assigns poems for the class to memorize. But because I was new, he told me that I didn't have to present to anyone, I just had to record it. He told me that I had to record my face so that he could make sure I didn't read it. I was really lazy about memorizing it, so I tried to find a loophole. At first I tried recording it and hiding an earpiece under my hair. It was really hard to speak with myself talking in my ear, so I bought a webcam, and pulled up the poem on my phone. I taped it onto the computer screen into an area where it did not look like I was reading it. I thought it looked pretty convincing and submitted it.
The next day the teacher played the video for the whole class! Then he announced:
'Well, [my name] here did a pretty good job... (Pause) At hiding the fact that she cheated!'
I froze. Everyone laughed. BUT the teacher said that he'll give me half credit for trying. SO I guess it's okay."
"There is one instance in particular that sticks out to me. While it was mildly inappropriate, it was funny as hell.
Joe was hardly the epitome of being studious. Throughout the semester, Joe plagued the classroom with obnoxious jokes, to which only his fellow non-studious friends would laugh. While Joe was never directly disrespectful to Mr. Smith, he implicitly showed no respect through a lack of shutting-up, following directions (such as getting off of his phone), etc.
One fine day, Mr. Smith is teaching a lesson to the class. As always, Joe is watching videos of the previous evening's NBA highlights on his phone rather than paying attention. As Joe begins to distract his neighbors with his antics, Mr. Smith becomes quite irritated.
Mr. Smith: 'Joe, put your phone away before I take it and put it in my pocket until the end of class.'
Joe: 'But what if my mom or someone else calls me?' (Smarta-- tone, of course.)
Mr. Smith: 'Then I'll answer it with my left nut!'"
"Happened in my English class the other day.
Everyone is doing their work and the teacher is walking past everyone, checking in.
She walks past this boy, Brandon. The conversation goes a little like this:
'What are you doing Brandon?'
'Nothing miss, I was just doing my work.'
'Then why are there pictures of penises in your book?'
'Urrrm I don't know.'
Teacher begins to walk of with a smirk on her face
'If it looks like that you should get it checked out.'
The whole class starts going crazy in an uproar. I feel like it may have been the greatest roast all year."
"I was roasted by a teacher in high school. First class of the day, health education.
Stuffy overheated, windowless, basement room. Both myself and the chap at the desk beside me nodded off.
We may have been snoring for all I know. Teacher, loudly. 'Excuse me! So! How long have you two been sleeping... together?'
We didn't even know each other. I was horrified.
Never fell asleep in that class again."
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