Going To Pretend I Didn't Hear That

Olena Zaskochenko/Shutterstock

Going To Pretend I Didn't Hear That

>>> "My co-worker was considering how much water you need to clean a coffee pot. 'Is it cheaper to buy a new one?'"

>>> "'Isn't Mexico Spain? Like, where in Spain is Mexico?'"

>>> "I used to work in an internet pharmacy in Canada. We were testing our new fax machine, so I decided to fax some data sheets to a co-worker instead of just walking the sheets over to her. A little while after, I get a call on the line. It's my co-worker who asks me to re-fax the sheets, so I ask her if it's blurry or something, and maybe I can fix the fax machine. She says, 'No, everything's great. It's clear, it just all came out upside down.'"--

>>> "After telling her my mother is a psychologist, she got really excited and asked 'So she can, like, see into the future and stuff?'"

>>> "'Chickens aren't birds, they're their own species, chickens.'"

Okay, Then


Okay, Then

>>> "One of my coworkers always wears her earpiece for the office phone. Every couple days, she'll wear it out during lunch by mistake, and when coming back into the office, she always says the same thing: 'Wow I wore my earpiece to subway! I feel so Amish.' I tried explaining to her why it isn't Amish, but she just doesn't get it."--

>>> "She asked whether China is in 'America or Canada?' I literally had to explain Asia's existence to her."--

>>> "I once had a coworker try and convince me that if you went before a judge before taxes were due and recited a specific part of the tax code that you no longer had to pay taxes for that year. He swore up and down his uncle did this every year and hadn't paid taxes in decades."--

>>> "We were decorating for a party, blowing up balloons with our mouths. After a few, she said, 'Why aren't these floating? Did I buy the wrong kind?'"--

>>> "A co-worker was telling a story about him talking to someone from New Zealand, and our receptionist asks, 'What language do they speak?' My buddy says, 'English. New Zealand is like Australia but with more sheep.' Receptionist says, 'Ha! I bet they wear a lot of cotton then,' then follows that up with, 'I think it's sad that they have to kill all those sheep just to make sweaters.' Apparently she thinks sheep are stuffed with cotton."

Just Not Even True


Just Not Even True

>>> "Back a few years ago, when people were making an issue over Obama's birth certificate, some of us were discussing it at work when this girl asked what the qualifications for being a president were. Someone replied that you have to be a natural born citizen. She turned around and said 'You mean just because my son was born by C-section he can't be president?!'"

>>> "A lady I worked with asked another co-worker how old his daughter was. Upon hearing 17 months, she said 'Oooh, nearly a year then?' She also didn't know how many days were in a year and justified it by saying that she'd never needed to know."

>>> "Manager who ran the MP3 player department comes over to ask me something. 'Can you listen to FM radio on an iTouch?' I tell her, 'The iPod Touch does not have an FM antenna, but you can download apps that will let you listen to nearly any radio station in the world if you're on Wifi.' She asks very rudely, 'Can't you just download an antenna?'"

>>> "'It's not gay because we are two guys.' I could not stop laughing for 10 minutes straight."

>>> "All from the same coworker: 'Back in the day, people built houses with high ceilings to save on heating costs.' 'You should really just drive your five-speed manual in third gear all the time because those other gears aren't necessary, and you'll get better gas mileage.' 'I want to sell my new car and buy a 30-year-old Mustang that doesn't run. I'll fix it up and drive it instead; this will save me money.' My personal favorite was: 'Black people should just stop being offended by the N-word because racism really isn't a thing.'

What Are You Saying?

WAYHOME studio/Shutterstock

What Are You Saying?

>>> "Asked me how to do an upper case '3.'"--

>>> "This lady, a Ph.D. student for that matter, found me and other colleagues discussing fitness and she asks, Why do you guys work out?' Then just last week, the same girl says, 'I didn't know people can lose weight from exercise.'"--

>>> "Her: 'What are stars?', Me: 'What? They're stars.' Her: 'Yeah, but like, what are they?' Me (confused by her lack of grade school education): 'They're the same thing as the sun; just further from us.' Her: 'What?! No, they're not!'--

>>> "A coworker casually claimed that a cheetah runs at the speed of light. The co-worker had graduated med school and was about to become a neurosurgeon."--

>>> "'What if a woman has twins in her womb of different genders, and they get intimate, and the baby girl gets pregnant? What if this creates a Russian doll type scenario?' Another gem by the same guy: 'Why can't we just cut off chunks of meat from animals, let the meat grow back, then cut the chunks off again.' According to him this would be 'infinite food.'"

Where Are They Fact Checking This?
Where Are They Fact Checking This?

>>> "Ear wax is one of the most common ways STDs are transmitted."--

>>> "'You don't have to shower if you put on deodorant. It absorbs all the bad smell.' This was the same guy who had several work shirts, would only wear one and confessed to only washing it once a week. He also had to be forced to wash his hands after leaving the restroom because urine is apparently a 'better antiseptic than soap.' We were working a food service job."--

>>> "I work in a bar, and I overheard two co-workers talking about triathlons. One asked, 'How far do you think they run in these things?' The reply was, 'About half an hour,' followed by agreement and them moving on with their discussion while I stood there dumbfounded."--

>>> "What does the abbreviation 'U-turn' stand for?"--

>>> "I worked in a bar for a while so have a couple. One co-worker picked up an old lemon which had just started turning green. She did a double take and said, 'I didn't realize lemons turned into limes.'"

Come again?


Come again?

>>> "One of my co-workers asked, 'What was Hitler's last name?' She was the same co-worker who didn't understand why a program she was working in wouldn't show up on her screen. It was maximizing to the second monitor that she had plugged in and turned on, but covered with post-it notes. You could see the window through the post-it notes. The same coworker got a laptop for work. She opened it to see a black screen and asked me (a graphic designer, but apparently the de facto IT department) why it wasn't working. I pushed the ON button to 'fix it.'"--

>>> "Which is farther away from us, the moon or Mars?"--

>>> "'Well, once the first two were blown I just kept going.' The response was, 'But why are all four of your tires flat?' which of course was part of the conversation about him going out of the parking lot the wrong way."--

>>> "'I don't read.' This was said in an interview for a librarian."--

>>> "'I don't know why we try to reduce driving deaths; those people are just going to die another way.'"

Ignorance Is Bliss?
Ignorance Is Bliss?

>>> "I was talking religion with a co-worker. He was hardcore blind faith and got on the subject of animals having same-gender relations. I told him it happens with apes/monkeys. He responded with, 'We aren't monkeys! We aren't animals! We aren't even mammals! We are people!'"--

>>> "I should stop taking birth control because it makes you fertile and more likely to get pregnant. That is the opposite of how it works."--

>>> "I had to argue with a co-worker about New Mexico being a state, not another country. New Mexico, according to them, was just another way of saying Mexico. We worked in Arizona."--

>>> "The day after the 2012 US Presidential election, my officemate said we needed an ethnic cleansing and start over. His first-day get-to-know-you conversation included, 'So, do you own any weapons?' It turns out his definition of ethnic cleansing was about getting rid of the 'stupid people' and starting over. He didn't really make a good case for himself to be preserved in this proposed solution."--

>>> "'People with depression should just feel better,' and 'I've seen some stuff and I don't have PTSD; people just use it to get free benefits.'"

Try Again, Please

Try Again, Please

>>> "Before I came to my current office, the girl who I ended up replacing told one of my coworkers that all gay people have AIDS."--

>>> "I worked with a woman who thought that the wind farms in Southern California were actually huge fans used to combat global warming by blowing cool air into the desert."--

>>> "'Wait, Martin Luther King wasn't a president?' The girl was African American, too."--

>>> "Our office was in Seattle. She asked me if we were Eastern Time Zone or Pacific Time Zone."--

>>> "After I had a heart attack, my principal gave me an easier schedule. No more coaching in 110-degree weather. Another teacher replied, 'I need to have a heart attack so I can get an easier schedule.'"

Fake News


Fake News

>>> "'I heard about those girls who dress up as characters at conventions and then they complain when guys touch them. I say they're asking for it. If you see your fantasy, you just naturally want to reach out and touch it.'"--

>>> "I worked at a strawberry field for two years. While I was in the middle of picking a flat, this kid who was about 16 years-old walked up to my boss and me. Not knowing our boss was right next to me, he said, 'Dude, would you assault a pregnant woman? Because I would.' He was later fired, and I never saw him again."--

>>> "I'm taking 12/12/2012 off so that I can be at home with my daughter when the world ends. I saw it on the History Channel."--

>>> "I was told that I'd have to get my child micro-chipped when I went to register the birth last year. He's a baby, not a dog."--

>>> "'You don't really believe in all that stuff, do you?' I was told that while I was sitting in the break room during lunch one day, reading a book about dinosaurs."

What Are You Even Saying?


What Are You Even Saying?

>>> I asked a co-worker if her ancestors were from a certain country, but she didn't know what that word meant. After I explained it to her, she said, 'I don't believe in that; I came from my mom, and she came from her mom. That's it.' I stopped talking to her about non-work related things."--

>>> "I once had a co-worker tell me he didn't believe that the ice age happened. I didn't know what to say."--

>>> "I work in the hot sun and my co-worker said she was getting dizzy, so I asked if she had had enough water. She said that 'she thought she did.' I asked her if her pee was yellow or clear. She told me it was yellow, and I told her that means that she is dehydrated. Her response was, 'I thought having yellow pee meant that you were hungry.' My co-worker is 45 years old. Sometimes I don't know how she's still alive"--

>>> "I had a co-worker ask me if drinking a capful of bleach would 'bleach the illegal substances out his blood' for an impending drug test."--

>>> "My smoke detector just started screaming, and now my house is filling with smoke, 'What is wrong with this thing?'"

Oh, C'mon


Oh, C'mon

>>> "'Why are you cleaning? Are you bored?' We work in a bar. I clean because drinks are sticky. And because of flies."--

>>> "'Is that a knife sharpener?' I told him yes. He asked, 'What does it do?'"--

>>> "A male co-worker was complaining to me (a woman) about his female boss because 'you know how women are.'"--

>>> "'People with depression should just feel better' and 'I've seen some stuff, and I don't have PTSD. People just use it to get free benefits.'"--




>>> "I had a co-worker, a woman in her mid-20s, in earnest come up to our senior operations manager and proudly proclaimed that she 'accidentally found out that she could mimic a sheep' and then proceeds to plead like a sheep."--

>>> '"I accidentally emailed you a confidential document. Could you email it back to me?'"--

>>> "I work in education, and a coworker who has been there for 25 years (same job as me in HR) just recently realized our 'special needs teachers' meant the teachers taught special needs classes, not that the teachers, themselves, had special needs.--

>>> "To name a few examples: 'Man, I wonder if there are giant crocodiles at the bottom of the sea. 'Is it possible to melt gold?' 'Lions, are they feline or canine?' 'I don't really see the point in reading history,' 'Why is it bad to be homophobic?' I guess the one redeeming factor is that most of the stupid stuff he says are questions and not statements."--

>>> "I worked with a sweetheart of a guy, good at his job, but dumb as a rock. Here are some of his gems: 'Japan is not a real country.' 'The Chinese don't drink tea.' 'Fat girls don't wear skirts.' 'Beyoncé and Shakira? Aren't they the same person?' Oh, and my personal favorite... one day he asked me, 'Do whales elect their leaders?'"

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